Along the Emmaus Road:My Heart Burns Within Me

27

2012-01-11T20:14:00.000-08:00

I like the number 27.

It was my favourite Psalm
My best friend's age.

But what I hate about 27, is that's how many million people are enslaved today. Say something about it. Educate, Activate, Terminate.

Because people were never meant to be bought or sold.

Killing babies

2012-01-10T19:46:00.001-08:00

Something I learned today: 126,000 abortions are performed daily worldwide

And 30,000 preschoolers die every day from preventable causes.

I couldn't find any stats about how many die in wars, genocides, infanticide. . .

Over 150,000 little kids dying each day because we just don't value life enough. We're too selfish, eliminating fetuses because they're inconvenient. . .ignoring hungry, thirsty, sick toddlers because we just don't care.

One of the best parts of my life is I get to kiss sweet baby faces. Sounds funny, but its true. I love cuddling little cuties.

So sad to think over 50 million babies never make it out of the womb alive. What the hell is our problem?

I'm on G+. . .are you?

2012-01-03T15:41:00.001-08:00

Going

2011-12-29T08:30:00.001-08:00

I have realised I could go to Colorado sooner than I expected, as there really are good paying nanny jobs out there.

With a savings goal of 10 thousand, it would take at least 18 months; less with a second income.

My associate's will take about 18 months going almost full-time

But here's the thing: I want to volunteer with CASA, which asks for a 2 year commitment

And it requires a CA DL. I already tried changing my car title. . .but it will require another trip to CO. I need to find out if I can get a CO title with a CA license.

Gahhhhh it's so hard having my heart in one state but being productively stuck in another.

One thing's for sure. . .there is a lot of trouble here. Not that it is not in CO.

Kryptonite.

2011-12-18T20:59:00.000-08:00

Achilles' heel. . .

Whatever you want to call it

There's a complete loss of power.

So what? we like it. . .it's in being puppets that I (we?) feel most real.

and all I ever wanted was to be real.

Overnight

2011-11-28T22:39:00.001-08:00

”You were the same man on sunday mornin' as saturday night”

Been rocking out to country, as usual, and today I was listening to Justin Moore's ”Grandpa”. . .and that line immediately made me think it's what ”he” is not. I can't lie to him anymore about why I don't want to take him to church anymore. It's because I spend those Saturday nights with him and then seeing his Sunday face just makes me mad.

He's expressed an "almost guilt". Wishes he could undo. . .because I think he knows he played a part. Blame him? No. I'm an adult. I am responsible for my own decisions. He's just the one who introduced me to this "drug". I love him. I hate him. But, he is my best friend, whatever that means. I'm not prone to intimacy with the emotionally unavailable. . .and regularly just unavailable. I wish I could tell him I just need to talk, but he'd take it as clinginess. But still, I wish I could have that intimacy. . .the way we feel comfortable with each other. . .except lately as I've realised how dulled his emotion is, mine is supressed.

And she? Number 2 since I've been back. Boys come and sweep girls off their feet. . .and there's just so little there anymore. Please tell me I wasn't like that.

And, well, everyone is just new. There's no deep bond yet. Doesn't mean there won't be, but it takes time.

time. . .I've got a lot of it, but what good is it, when your battle buddy doesn't even have a clue?

T

2011-11-22T21:42:00.001-08:00

He's graduating. I sent my last letter. Hopefully in time. Forgot to make a copy. I didn't know what to do so I just faked it. Eww. How do you tell the kid that the ”God” you talked about is a thing of the past? How do you explain that the people you're supposed to trust in church are really just going to make you their secret, tell you to go die, or tear apart your family?

If you're me, you don't. You hope that maybe God is real and that the child can believe. You tell them to make good christian friends, to trust leaders and submit to them. And in doing so, you become that same fake person.

You don't tell them that the guy sitting next to you is ashamed of sleeping with the girl, but still does it. Or that you can't go back to the church you went to every week because one of the members is sleeping around, threatening people, and telling someone she should kill herself. Or that the guy preaching Matthew 18 divides a family by ignoring it. You don't tell the truth, that you're crying yourself to sleep because it looks like your buddy is on drugs. That your best friends are the ones who don't go to church. That you still pretend because you're too afraid honesty will hurt your family and result in scorn. But the tears are definitely the worst part.

I feel like such a fake but it's too much to explain for now.

2011-10-31T21:26:00.001-07:00

I want to go back but. . .it feels so contrived. Though that world was once so familiar, and the language came so easy, now it just feels fake. Like earlier this month when Ben and I drove up to Bubbie's house, except it wasn't her house anymore. it looked the same-I saw that garden I helped tend just as it was. But she hasn't been there for years. Oohs the same but it's completely different. That's how it would be for me. And I just can't see faking that.

2011-10-30T11:53:00.001-07:00

I came. fighting back all the hurt. I don't know any of these people here. . . Met a few but I never wish to be close. Oh he knew. Quiet woman, ” nothing” on my mind. ” don't expect me to guess” well of course not, love. The whole point is I don't want you to.

2011-10-30T01:41:00.001-07:00

Maybe I was looking like I was falling asleep, but really I was falling apart. As of now, I wish to not enter church with you tomorrow. To you it is a place of worship and a chance to interact with similar people. To me it's remembering what we do in secret (hardly ”holy”), and realising if I spend so much time around these people I'm just inviting someone to wrench open my heart and plunder. I can handle all the crap secularity throws at me. I cannot, however, handle all the shit christians force-feeds me

Claw

2011-10-29T12:17:00.001-07:00

You'll find the best? And definitely the worst people in the church. Oh those were nasty words we've exchanged. But I feel I'm too fragile to have anything to do with churchy people. None of my secular friends told me tip go kill myself.

2011-09-26T20:45:00.000-07:00

any more of this song and it sounds like a dead romance. no, it is just a []. . .friendship, if you could call it that

I don't want to see you or feel you
I don't want to look into your eyes
I don't want to touch you or miss you
I just want to love your memory tonight

I can't handle all this pain
All we ever do is fight anyway
Why we even tried I haven't a clue
With hearts involved
There's way too much to lose

My Roses!

2011-07-14T10:09:00.000-07:00

I believe I never mentioned that I am now a correspondence sponsor in addition to sponsoring 2 Compassion kids! This is Rose (8) from Haiti.

And I sponsor Rose (17) also from Haiti

I thought it was pretty cool that when I requested a correspondence child (the younger Rose), she happened to have the same first name as the one I already sponsor. I am also super excited for when I get a new picture of Tamirat. He has 5 more months in the program.

Baking

2011-07-12T19:50:00.000-07:00

I dream of the day I have a kitchen to myself.

When the banging of pots and pans at any hour is okay.

When I can get flour everywhere and not care.

I love baking. I would love to be able to bake out my frustrations. To retreat to the kitchen and relax as I mix. I would love to try new recipes, to smell cinnamon and sugar and chocolate and various fruits warming my space.

And after baking, I would cook something for myself (probably with spinach or zucchini). and then, wait. Till the oven has finished what I started.

And then, I would have a bunch of things I do not want to eat, and I would be able to find someone who likes baked sweets.

I forgot how much flatter Colorado cookies are!

Right now, I bake when I can for these guys-- (this is my excuse for link love) Anthony, Dan, Paul (and the blogless brother, Alex!). I sure will be sad when they all move out in a month!

How to Tell if you are Getting Old

2011-07-07T22:06:00.000-07:00

Go on Facebook. If your friends are "friending" someone whose diapers you used to change, you are getting old.

Wow. What a moment.

Home Sweet Home

2011-07-07T21:40:00.001-07:00

Though I generally use this blog to talk more about my ideas and spiritual things, I wish to [again] relay the events of the past week. (We can call this venting, perhaps?)

At the generous offer to the tune of 48K airline miles from my boss, I purchased a ticket to Colorado. Granted, it still cost 2.5 times what my last trip cost between the last minute purchase fee and the additional miles that needed to be purchased, but I truly believe a $75 trip is a once in a lifetime opportunity. And the nice thing was first class required the same number of miles as economy. So I had my first trip flying in first (and one of what will be very few, if not the only one in my life).

Wednesday. Headed over to my brothers' place and finished packing. Then Paul drove me to the aeroport. If not for the excitement of all my reading (Bible, The Music of His Promises, Hope Lives, and Not For Sale), I would have gone absolutely crazy with anticipation. Ashley picked me up in Denver, and so began a week of absolute beauty, hot weather, a great friend, and Good Times (ok I only ate there twice!). And friend drama. Seriously, I was on a call dealing with one friend's drama when another call came in. I felt like a mom.

Thursday. Brought Ashley to work, and then I went and waited at the DMV for hours. How I miss the Chapel Hills Mall DMV in COS! The main CO DMV was inefficient at best. Even so, I am glad to now have an adult license[FINALLY!] Rather, I have a "vertical" license that appears to be long expired (see the sticker on the back) with a hole punched in it, and a separate piece of paper that says I went and got my new license. Then I went back to Ashley's place, showered (I was really sweaty from all that heat), and made my way back to pick her up. And so we went to Colorado Springs. My heart was so full of joy when I first saw my Peak.

We ended up meeting with her friend Charlie, and had a nice conversation about social justice. (Mark, here's where I started talking about you. Were your ears burning? teehee). Then we went to a bar, where I met two more of her friends. We 4 gals were just chatting, enjoying the karaoke and drinking (not very much, I promise, mom!), and Ashley went up and sang a song. Then, I look into the other room where some people were playing pool. I had already looked around a few times, just people watching. But this time, my eyes met a familiar set of eyes--my cousin's! We had only met twice before, and of all the people I do not know in COS, what a coincidence to see him! We talked a bit, exchanged numbers, met each other's friends, then Ashley wowed everyone with her voice. What a night!

Friday. Brought A to work, then went back to the Springs, had lunch with cousin and his wife and daughter, then to see my favourite White people! First I went next door to see E & Z, two girls I used to watch when I lived in the White house. Then as I went to see the White people, I heard a familiar voice yelling, "Annabelle's here! Annabelle's here". Wow. No more "Lala" or "Ah-bull". Nope, E was full on saying Annabelle. What a great thing to see his darling face, then G, and L and of course, my favourite dog--Bono. (And then J came upstairs)

E-showing his Texan side

Bono

I made dinner for the Whites, and just enjoyed an evening with them (minus K, boo!). G said to me as I was laughing at E's antics that she missed hearing my laugh. What a funny thing to hear. I do not typically think of missing someone's laugh, but in reality, one of few memories I have of Nathanael was him laughing late at night when I was in bed. While it seems an odd thing at first glance, it was great to hear nonetheless. I too miss all the laughter in the White house. E's sweet voice, K's "watch me!", G's dancing and singing in the kitchen, and J's jokes and theology. And of course L is such a darling baby. She was so cute walking around with my necklace on. And when she gave me a kiss. Oh man, I miss my favourite White people. Drove back to DEN and ended up talking with Danyo as I tried to find Ashley. (A-sorry I was so late. D-nice to talk to you on a serious level, bro). Ended up with a movie and a drink with Ash.

Saturday. Lazed the day away, then had nails done and "linner" with Ashley and her mum. Another movie in bed.

Sunday. Ok so I slept in instead of going to church. Then we went to the renaissance festival in Larkspur. Super hot, gorgeous, and itchy. Seriously, why was I so itchy? (I swear having a couple of drinks helped). Then back to the Springs. Dinner with cousin & fam, and A's new buddy, S (cousin's old Army buddy). Then Ft Carson fireworks. We were gonna go to another bar but I wanted new lip jewelry, so we made a quick stop by a piercer. Ashley ended up with a last minute nose piercing. We decided to head back to S's house for drinks, but then he and cousin were running into ex-wife issues, so another bar. Oh joy. Apparently my being quiet is too conspicuous even with a cousin I have met just twice before (by then 5 times). I really just sat there quietly, deep in thought. A and S went off to talk, and cousin and friend were off talking. I ended up with another guy just talking to me, then went outside and called Paul. We finally got home after 4.

Colorado just is not the same
without dusty Chaco-lines on
strangely man-ish looking feet!

this is a firework on a camera on firework setting

this is a firework on drugs on a camera on firework setting

Monday. More sleeping in. Then Ashley and siblings went to their dad's to swim. I however, needed some alone time, so I drove out to the prairie, and just sat in the stillness. Sure, a shopping centre was RIGHT there, but I could look in 5 directions (N, W, E, up and down) and see God's creation. Quieted my heart. Then I had to go back. Back to reality. Met some more of A's family, had a couple of drinks, then I had to take a nap. I crashed so hard. When I woke up, I was more ready for interaction. Just spent time with her family all night, then when she retired, I did some budgeting on the couch with her cousin there, and after everyone left, I talked to Paul. Finally went to bed super late.

Tuesday. Slept in a bit, then packed up and A's sis took me to the aeroport. I was so sad to get on the plane. It was weird being treated so well in first class. Paul got to LAX about an hour and a half after I landed, and so began the talking. Halfway back, I was incredibly itchy. AGAIN. When we got back to the apartment, I took Benadryl then watched some TV with him. I fell asleep, but woke up in tears, from some unknown terror. It was like the night terrors I had as a kid. I was in hysterics. FOR NO REASON. I knew there was a reason I did not take diphenhydramine. I can't remember if it was a previous reaction or something weird from its cousin, doxylamine. Anyway, night terrors and hallucinations are not worth itch relief. I still have no idea what all happened after I took it. I vaguely remember leaving. Vaguely remember the sun was setting. But I don't remember driving home. And my phone is missing. Oy vey.

All in all, it was quite a week. What a crazy end though. No more Benadryl for me. If I have to be in this miserably hot weather again, why must it be here? I miss my Colorado. I really, really want to move back.

Oh, and how could I forget? The Jeeps are so sexy out there

This is the Jeep that made me hot for Jeeps. Go Gayle!

My Peak [left] Blodgett [rightmost peak]

Blodgett peak [leftish] and USAFA [centre]

Knowing

2011-06-29T18:29:00.000-07:00

If you do not speak French, Latin or Italian and as a result don't know the different verbs translated "know" try reading this. It sounds very similar--I've been thinking about this a lot!!

what is it to know God? we know it is not to simply know of Him (savoir), but to actually know (connaitre) Him personally. And what does he say it is to know him? In Jeremiah 22, God gives a warning to Josiah's wicked son, Shallum, who oppressed his workers for his own personal gain. In the midst of warnings, God uses Josiah as an example of a man who knew him, and it showed in his actions: "He judged the cause of the poor and needy. Then it was well 'was this not knowing Me?' says the LORD" (Jeremiah 22:16)

Josiah was quite a man. Crowned king at the age of 8, he ruled over Judah for just 31 years, dying before 40 because he "did not heed the words of Necho, from the mouth of God" He died because he ignored a warning not to engage in battle. This was the logical consequence for his mistake. However, Josiah left an amazing legacy. At the age of 16, we are told he began to seek God, and at the age of 20, began to clean Judah of its idolatrous way. He completely destroyed the centres of idol worship, and in the midst of this deep cleaning, the Book of the Law was found. When Josiah learned of the law, he was broken over the way his nation had completely rejected God's law. He reinstituted the Passover when he was 26. In just 39 years of life, Josiah left quite a legacy--" Now before him there was no king like him, who turned to the LORD with all his heart, with all his soul, and with all his might, according to all the Law of Moses; nor after him did any arise like him" (2 Kings 23:25) So in 2 Kings and 2 Chronicles, we see that Josiah changed the ways of his nation, bringing them back to righteousness before God, and in Jeremiah his legacy was performing righteousness and justice and defending the cause of the poor and needy. What a man to emulate!! What can I be doing in my sphere of influence to do as he did? How can I awaken my nation to God's ways; how can I be known for righteousness and justice?

Last week I read these two verses in my devotions:

"To do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice." (Proverbs 21:3)

"For I desire mercy and not sacrifice; and the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings." (Hosea 6:6; Jesus quoted this verse twice--in Matthew 9:13 and 12:7)

and this week, I was re-reading Isaiah 58:

"Is this not the fast that I have chose: To loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, to let the oppressed go free, and that you break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out; when you see the naked that you cover him, and not hide yourself from your own flesh?" (vv 6, 7)

Social justice is not just a fad or something we do to feel better about ourselves. God has called us to this fast, for he desires justice more than any sacrifice we could ever give. It's not about a backwards social snobbery. It's not about a show. It's about a heart that desires to honour God. He gave us an easy way to do it. We crave the tangible in our lives. And he put his people made in his image--his beloved creation here on this earth. We can show our love of God, our fellowship with him, by showing it to his people.

What Came in the Mail (and some link love!)

2011-06-27T22:17:00.000-07:00

Today I received 2 packages in the mail. I had been eagerly awaiting them, and kept asking mum if they had arrived. Today she finally checked the mail, and today, I finally came down to see her! As soon as I got home, I tore into the packages.

Here's what came in the mail for me:

(read about Miss Rebecca's Learn a Little, Win a Little~ A Giveaway, which I won [yay!] Then subscribe to her blog)

and

(recommended to me by Mark--subscribe to his blogs here and here)

I got it on Amazon, and plan to read it on the plane.

Faults

2011-06-17T18:37:00.000-07:00

mel·o·dra·mat·ic/ˌmelədrəˈmatik/Adjective

Characteristic of melodrama, esp. in being exaggerated, sensationalized, or overemotional.

This really bothers me. I do not want to be melodramatic.

Every Girl's Favourite Topic

2011-06-09T19:56:00.000-07:00

~~Men~~. Boys.

ok, not my favourite, but still worth mentioning.

Not that I date, but if I did, I think I would enforce the 5-7 years older thing, and even prefer >7years older. But even age, and lack of maturity aside--

I wonder, where are the men who stand up? I want to stand by a man who stands up for God and His children. The one who invests himself fully into whatever ministry God has him in. Not the one who's squandering his youth on the American Dream.

I literally know not a single man in my age group who is willing to give up everything he has in life to serve. They're all still running for a life of luxury. Living up big dreams of an easy life. Not offering their bodies as living sacrifices, willing to do even the dirtiest of work for their Love.

and as a side note, (though I see this issue less in females) where are the women who are willing to give up their dreams to be man's help-mate? We're so hungry for love and attention. . .but these boys are not going to fulfil us. There's so much drama in mixed company. Where's the quiet spirit? The gentleness? The willingness to serve?

They Prayed

2011-06-08T01:17:00.000-07:00

He said something along these lines: "I have told everyone about [. . .] but I know they are not praying for me."

It was not an excuse, but rather a picture of what Christianity is these days. We are human. We fail. Sometimes intentionally. But sadly, we are often found in these situations either with a partner in sin or a complete lack of friends who dare to reach into the darkness.

And having been there before, knowing in hindsight that she laboured over me in prayer, I was glad. Thankful for those times God intervened on account of her intercession. I do not know what the occasions were. I do not know to what extent prayer affects happenings (Would God still intervene sans intercession?). But I do know that I was surrounded by prayer and I am confident it changed things.

Back to the present-how would it have been different if people were praying? How blessed am I to have those friends, who will not take my excuses, who direct my gaze toward the heavenly places, who shower me in scripture, and above all, who pray.

And so I remember I should be the one who dares to be different. The one who loves him not with affection, or with praise or gifts, but by offering him up to his father.

Pondered

2011-06-07T22:45:00.001-07:00

But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart--Luke 2:19

In the midst of excitement over the newly-borne Jesus, we find one little verse about Mary. Seems that though she was surrounded by all this hullabaloo, she kept quiet, was introspective. I think about this a lot. When my life is starting to get exciting and emotions run high, I frequently recall this verse and wonder if it is better that I process things. It is in my nature to often remain nearly stoic in positive emotion, but sometimes I must remind myself not to talk about it, because it is also in my nature to spill. Just minutes ago, it seemed I was in a flurry, excited about what I think God is calling me to. And now I keep a quiet heart. I refrain from speaking my thoughts right now. But I will say this:

I don't know when, I don't know how, and I don't know why. But I'm going

I wonder if the thoughts in my head are truly the answers I have been searching for. Why, God, have you kept me here? Why does it seem I may remain here even longer? Maybe it is all part of the plan. The plan you had to call me to --.

Illogical

2011-06-02T08:38:00.000-07:00

Did I seriously just do that?

Yes, sadly, I did.

I just sent a series of nasty texts to my buddy. Complete with all sorts of profanity, attacks on his character, and very cruel intentions. What a mess. I still disagree with what he said. But what I said was absolutely uncalled for.

Seems nearly every conversation we have had lately involves us talking about being logical. According to him, I am rather logical for being female. This was a complete swing into illogical emotional mayhem. Mom knows I hold it all in till I explode. I did not even realise myself what wickedness I harboured in my heart toward him. That was very, very ugly.

It started with a good intention too. When I first made my request of him, it was out of love. I still do not know who is right. I believe I am. Regardless, my words were an expression of wickedness within me. To hell with that crap [and stay there! there should be no place for it in my life]. We could disagree on the request for the rest of our lives, but there is absolutely no place for me to remove grace from my speech.

I was so angry and tired that I do not recall what all was said (nor do I wish to!). It stopped when I fell asleep.

That was probably the most I have ever used those disgusting words. What a mess. The fool multiplies words.

I was plagued by demons. I rarely glimpse the spiritual wars around me, but by the time I was about to fall asleep, I could clearly sense the demons about me. Thank God for sleep. Maybe some logicality returns with rest. I am much more calm.

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ

2 Corinthians 10:3-5

phrases

2011-06-01T19:00:00.001-07:00

I cannot stop thinking about this--"The Secret of Understanding is Obedience"

I have noticed I often have little to write here [excluding paltry things] when I am disobeying. I am convinced I just hear so little from God; have so little knowledge of him when I do not align myself with his call.

Those words cycle through my head, part of a long list of phrases in my mind. Phrases from our talks. Phrases from things I've read. And a few phrases straight from God.

A double minded man [is] unstable in all his ways.

To be honest, my love for him motivates me to obedience more than my love for Him.

Part of the Problem

2011-05-13T22:28:00.000-07:00

As soon as I start praying against some great evil in the world, God whispers to me, "how can you expect to change it if you're contributing to the perversion of my plan?"

Oh crap. About that. . .

Though I refer to a specific incident here, this happens frequently. Especially in regard to my brother. Every time I find something I think he needs to fix in his life, I realise I recognise it only because I am doing the same. And so my brother's faults serve as reminders of my own. And by the time I get around to removing the plank from my own eye, I notice there is often no speck left in his.

In this specific case, I know the evil I see is not magnified by my selfish thoughts. It truly is terrible. But how can I expect to change it if I cannot remove myself from another variety of the evil?

Hindsight pt 2

2011-04-30T23:53:00.003-07:00

Unnaturally late talks with my brother. The talks I love to have. Verbalising truths we know about our Saviour, about the Bible, about our lives.

Often in the daytime, our intercourse is mostly light-hearted and in jest. When the sun is long set and we are enervated; when the exigence of the day has drained us, descant tends to adopt a more sombre tone.

My affinity toward him was borne of an appreciation of his simple yet intelligent faith, defence of women, perspicacity, and his general friendliness. Our mutual appreciation of rational conversation has made discourse easy. Time and trials have led us to a familial relationship.

Lord knows how I have needed a brother to watch out for me. And He gave me one. We've had many ups; we've had some dark downs. But the relationship yields fruit. There is a fragrance of our Lover. Sweet fellowship we have.

Our latest topic involved God's grace.

I have noticed we are often in similar states at the same time. This time we were both distraught over failure. He reminded me that God was fully aware of my sin before he chose me. Is it not amazing to realise how Christ knew that even after professing his name we would still deny him with our actions? He KNEW I would fail [intentionally at that], but still gave himself for me, and offered me salvation. Jesus knew, as he was washing Peter's feet, that Peter would be denying him soon. And still he chose to humble himself and serve Peter. Amazing love, how can this be?

I took that picture below from a friend's facebook. The timing is interesting in light of these thoughts. As I regard the rendering, I wonder what the disciples thought. I'd venture to say some thought it strange that their Messiah was washing loudmouth Peter's feet. Why did Jesus require participation for fellowship? Was Peter confused about this strange act? And Jesus? well he knew Peter would deny him, but he showed love to Peter. There was no ulterior motive. I'd bet he was saddened; hurt. But he also loved this outspoken man so ardently.

Later, Peter bears the mark of a man humbled by grace. His epistles carry an urgency toward gentleness and holiness. I'm sure Peter was haunted by memories of his failures, but he also so evidently knew the grace of God; and yet he did not have a slack attitude toward holiness. He calls for submission and love--hardly the man who sliced off another's ear or cursed when asked if he knew Jesus. God's grace is not an occasion to fail again. Rather, it must be a motivation to honour him.

But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. For if these things are yours and abound,you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins. Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble; for so an entrance will be supplied to you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

2 Peter 1:5-10

What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it? Or do you not know that as many of us as were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death? Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin. For he who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him. For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts. And do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace.

Romans 6:1-14

Hindsight

2011-04-30T17:04:00.001-07:00

I remember when You kneeled to wash our feet that night

Though I resisted, You explained it had to be

As an example of how we should serve each other

But as You gently cleansed my feet what did You see?

It seems like yesterday we al sat there together

And each word You said stirred fire in my soul

Vowing I'd be Your most faithful man, come sun or stormy weather

But as You smiled at me then you must have known

As You gently poured the water

You heard me say I never knew You

As You wiped away the dust

You saw me hide beneath a lie

As You anointed me with oil

You must have known I wouldn't stay

You washed my feet, so I could walk away

Looking back I can't imagine how You did it

I could not have shown such love if I had known

That this man whose feet I washed would soon deny that he had known me

Still You humbly served Your servant, now that love cuts to the bone

Because I promised that I never would deny You

I said I'd rather die than curse Your name

And all along You loved me though You knew they were shallow empty words

And now each time my feet are washed, it just reminds me of my shame

As You gently poured the water

You heard me say I never knew You

As You wiped away the dust

You saw me hide beneath a lie

As You anointed me with oil

You must have known I wouldn't stay

You washed my feet, so I could walk away

How could You love me?

Why did You love me?

Now for the first time I can finally see things clearly

You gave love and asked for nothing in return

So now I pledge my life to loving others just like You loved me

Oh how the memories of that night

You washed my feet have set me free

As You gently poured the water

You heard me say I never knew You

As You wiped away the dust

You saw me hide beneath a lie

As You anointed me with oil

You must have known I wouldn't stay

You washed my feet, so I could walk away

by Everybodyduck
click the title to listen.

Ponderances and questions for God

2011-04-30T13:16:00.000-07:00

As of late I have frequently pondered God's reasons for certain human attributes.

Why do we have emotional memories? Obviously remembering that fire burns or bleach is poisonous is important, but why do we have memories about people? Why do some memories haunt and others bring happiness?

Also, I have wondered why we fear consequences so much. Consequences are the logical end to an action; however, I think it is one of God's graces that we fear negative consequences so much. Often I am not motivated to do the right thing for his pleasure, but for the avoidance of my pain. It's as though he built in another level of protection even when we do not have a heart to serve him. Sometimes when the initial fear is not enough, remembering (yes this is how it ties in) the emotional trauma and consequences of a past decision will keep us from a repeat.

I am thankful that though sometimes memories just haunt me, my memories and fears often keep me from disaster. God's watching out for me, even when my heart is far from him

Water

2011-04-28T15:40:00.000-07:00

In 40 hours of travelling, I consumed $28 worth of bottled water. No, I did not drink THAT much water. Instead, I consumed water purchased at a premium. It is disgusting to me, to think that I could consume the same for less than $1 if it was from the case I most recently purchased. An excess $27 went toward the luxuries of airport-purchased and room-service-delivered water.

Now, I did not pay for this, as I was not travelling for myself but for work. The truth is it is hard to be cost efficient when travelling, but to think of all those profits made on my 40 hours' worth "special" water . . .I drank my 4 litres of premium waters while 7500 children died due to lack of clean water. According to some figures I found during a google search, $28 could also be spent to provide 10 years of clean water to 3 people, not 2 days for one person!

I am so disenchanted with the ways of this world. Our pleasure and luxury blinds us.

1,000 Thanks

2011-04-28T10:26:00.001-07:00

31. Vanilla. I love the smell of vanilla.

32. Danyo. my big brother. he watches out for me, and God uses him so much in my life.

33. asparagus. I love the creativity God used in making plants, especially the tasty edible ones.

34. pillows

35. blogs. I love reading the autobiographies-in-progress of people who serve God.

36. my mum. could I even begin to list what she has taught me?

37. snow. There is something so amazing about the stuff. again, God got creative.

38. baking. I love making cookies for my brothers.

39. a child's laughter. ever heard two babies laughing together? it's an amazing sound

40. the way a baby fits so comfortably in my arms. I wonder how much more amazing it will be with my own

A Very Interesting Series of Events

2011-04-28T09:21:00.001-07:00

Just finished this--which I started over a month ago!

Here I am, procrastinating.

I do not wish to write another paper. Blegh. English.

So, I recall what shall heretoforth be referred to as A Very Interesting Series of Events; Entertaining Angels, or A Beggar, Next Time, Haiti. (not A Beggar; Next Time, Haiti! Big difference)

On Monday after I left work, I headed to the grocery store to purchase some vegetables for my supper. I chose to head home a way other than my normal paths. Maybe because I knew there was a store along that way? I am not entirely sure. Either way, I believe it was divinely orchestrated. I saw an older man in a wheelchair begging as I turned into the store parking lot. After much inner turmoil, I decided to buy him some dinner. I picked up some food and cookies, and packed a dinner for him with a few dollars and a note telling him that God loves him. I was still fighting it. Finally, I just went for it, I started driving out the parking lot, but because the light was green, I kept going, and turned into the next entrance and parked. I noticed he was getting up and I watched to see where he went. He slowly pushed his wheelchair across to the sidewalk, then sat back in it and started scooting along.

I went up to him and asked him if he was hungry. He very quietly affirmed that he was, so I gave him the food, and said few words to him. He thanked me and I walked to go back to my car, which was about 10 metres away. When I reached my car, I turned around and he had completely disappeared from sight. I looked in all directions. I looked as I drove out. I have no idea where he went, but at that moment, "entertaining angels" came to mind. Maybe there is a simple, natural explanation of why he was out of sight so quickly. Either way, I was reminded of this--

Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it.

Hebrew 13:2 NASB

(ok that box was accidental but kinda cool)

Angel or not, this event got me to thinking. Thinking about following the Holy Spirit, of being the hands and feet of Jesus. As I drove home (listening to Next Time by the Arrows of course), I started thinking about sponsoring another child in Haiti immediately instead of waiting until I pay my car off in June, as I had been planning to do. I decided to pray about it, and cautious person I am, put out a fleece. Anyone who knows me knows I love a good night's sleep, but I asked that God wake me at "2am or something" if I was to sponsor then. Guess what? at 1:54 I woke up. I prayed for the child I would be sponsoring, thanked God, and fell back asleep. That week, I tweeted about sponsoring another child before I went to Compassion's website and realised there were no Haitian kids available. The cool thing about Twitter is that it is very easy to ask quick questions of businesses that use it (like Compassion!). I asked when I would be able to sponsor, and through some volley with a CI employee, found out Haitian kids would not be available for a bit (due to the earthquake). However, when I checked back while waiting for a response, there were 2 kids available; both younger than I was looking for. As I checked back over the next 48 hours, there were, at one point, 8 kids available, and there happened to be an older girl--exactly what I was looking for. I chose the older girl, Rose, and it is my pleasure to introduce this lovely young woman as my 2nd child

Rose Betty, 17

I checked back later and there were no Haitian kids. Again, I think God orchestrated the timing.

That song really gets to me. I couldn't stop crying as I drove home from the store. How many times have I wasted God's time, in my unwillingness to represent him by loving others? I pray that God would give me the words Rose needs to hear (read); that I could just be a reflection of his love and of his holiness. She is almost fully grown, and she lives in a place that is so poor, so desperate. Compassion is equipping her to end the cycle of poverty.

I also hope that I can learn some Kreyòl from her letters

Drained

2011-04-28T00:04:00.001-07:00

seems I no longer have my own words. I know not why this is. Maybe I lack inspiration. Maybe this hell-hole of hedonism drains everything from me.

I do feel drained. I am so tired, so lethargic. Physically and spiritually. I lack sleep, I consumed too many chemicals (I think I had Velveeta in my food--over 24 hours ago and I still feel yucky). I lack rest; the peace, the contentment. I am overwhelmed by the calls of pleasure. Living in this Babylon is wearying. Living in my own lusts is destructive. I have the hope of Christ. I have the transforming power of the Spirit. But immunity to the dastardly ways of the enemy is not mine while I inhabit this body. I thought getting out of the state would clear my mind, but here, newly returned from beauty, I am even more exhausted. I need more than a new location--I need the refreshing scenery as a complement to the words of life. I have not been reading enough, and it shows. How I need to pore over his love letters!

Oh, how I need him!

Return

2011-03-24T21:24:00.000-07:00

It wasn't what I thought it would be.

Deployment: over.
Everyone I love is home for now.
But it's not what I thought I would feel.

Life just goes back to normal in a moment

I Will Wait For You

2011-03-02T13:58:00.000-08:00

From P4CM's Lyricist Lounge 4, one of my favourite videos. It was my second LL, and this time, I had a lot of friends come. Hooray!

All about the kind of man you don't need (or need to be), then all about the kind of man you do need [to be] and the kind of woman to (or to have)

Weed

2011-02-28T18:47:00.000-08:00

1,000 Thanks

2011-02-22T02:02:00.000-08:00

Part 3.

As before, click the title for the previous post

21. Sovereign Grace of Orange County. Simply put, I love this church and my brothers and sisters there

22. tea. I love how many different aromas and tastes I can put in my mug. Tonight: Chocolated flavoured black tea (decaf!) from Fresh n Easy

23. toothpaste. really. I LOVE the taste and smell of toothpaste, and the way it makes my mouth feel clean. Yes, I am strange?

24. the Ocean. the grey, the blue, the green. the salt-air. the lullaby of the waves. the sunsets.

25. blankets

26. Phở

27. snuggly sleepy babies

28. hugs. real hold-you-close hugs.

29. chilly night air

30. the Bible. words of life

Hip-Hop Lies [REMIX]

2011-02-21T23:46:00.001-08:00

Oraia's piece, Hip-Hop lies

This gal is legit.

Be disillusioned by the things of this world. Follow your hunger for more. Don't merely have Christianity. Have Christ. There is no life apart from Christ. Live by his words, his words of life. be alive. Alive in Christ, dead to sin. Dead to self.

Why Buy Interstate Batteries?

2011-02-09T09:09:00.000-08:00

A number of months ago, I was warned that my car's battery was on its way out and it would be necessary to buy a new one. I've had my car for 3 years and the battery (an Interstate) was in it at the time; however I am unsure of its age.

I did my research and found that Interstate and Costco have the best batteries both in the opinions of customer and expert reviewers (such as Consumer Reports).

A couple of weeks ago, my car's battery was drained when my fan ran for hours. Though I realised it was not the battery, but the fan causing the problem, I decided to purchase a battery. I chose Costco because of the ease, the price, and their reputation. My fan decided not to act up again after that day (yet) so I've had no other problems.

I would, however, purchase an Interstate next time (provided the cost is comparable and it is feasible to do so) because of the policies by which Interstate operates.

Here is their mission statement:

"To glorify God as we supply our customers worldwide with top quality, value-priced batteries, related electrical power-source products, and distribution services. Further, our mission is to provide our partners and team members with opportunities which are profitable, rewarding and growth-oriented."

and their philosophy:

"To treat others as we want to be treated: treating all our business associates with respect, fairness, and integrity; caring for and listening to them; professionally serving them; always being a model of working hard and striving toward excellence."

http://corporate.interstatebatteries.com/norm_miller/testimony/

I would rather support a company such as Interstate that has the same values I have and supports things I agree with.

There's nothing like seeing a company that claims Christian principles and actually backs it up by delivering superior goods.

Tell Me Why

2011-02-04T10:38:00.003-08:00

One person in seven battles hunger every day

Approximately 963 million people across the world are hungry

More than 9 million children under age 5 die every year, and malnutrition accounts for more than one-third of these deaths. Most of these children live in sub-Saharan Africa and South Asia.

About 5.6 million deaths of children worldwide are related to under-nutrition. This accounds for 53 percent of the total deaths for children under 5.

More than 140 million or 25 percent of all children in developing countries are underweight and at risk form the long-term effects of malnourishment.

Nearly 15 percent of babies in developing countries are born with low birth weight compared with only 7 percent of babies in industrialised countries.

More than 6 million children die from malnutrition each year

Worldwide, 161 million preschool children suffer from chronic malnutrition

Already 923 million people worldwide are undernourished, and there are more than 9 million deaths related to hunger each year.

From Compassion. Click the title for the original link

www.fpg.org, www.unicef.org, www.whoint.org, www.un.org February 2009

I don't understand why this is happening. Do I question God for it? Maybe a little. But I know it's a result of sin, and thus a result of man's choice, so really my question is, "why are WE letting this happen?"

When you read things like this, what happens?

Do you try to visualise the numbers? Do you read it like a news story and just move on to the next? Do you suddenly feel like skipping breakfast is nothing more than a minute inconvenience?

Do you tear up? Do you tell someone? Are you changed?

I'll admit it. I'm desensitised to death. I know it happens, and I know it often happens prematurely. Off the top of my head, I could list at least 4 people I've met or known who died before 40. But what if instead of living in one of the richest parts of the world, I and everyone I know was subject to these same rates? I'd say I've known at least 500 people. Were we subject to these rates, in my 21 years, I would have seen 11 people die of hunger alone. I don't know a single person who's even suffered from malnutrition, much less died of it! With these same rates, 66 people I know would be under-nourished, 4 of them on my mom's side of the family. I can't imagine watching 4 of my family members suffer from malnutrition.

Sometimes I have to make it personal to be motivated to do anything about it. These are God's created beings, his children that are dying. There is no need for these children to starve; rather there is only a desperate need that we who have plenty share with those who little. Is it really that hard? I find in this culture and especially in Orange County I am just sickened by our lifestyles. As my friend Crystal said, it's Babylon.

I am convinced this is not God's plan for us, so can someone please tell me why this is happening?

1,000 Thanks

2011-01-31T13:34:00.000-08:00

Part 2

previous post can be accessed by clicking the title.

11. my job. I love it, and it is finally the well-paying job I need

12. Crystal. what a wonderful friend she is. a God-sent

13. Alex. he's always bringing me closer to God. Crystal and I decided he is most like Jesus of everyone we know.

14. my car. as old and "ghetto" as it is, I am so blessed to have a reliable car

15. my computer. Who would have thought Google would mail ME a computer to test when my other one is falling apart?

16. croissants. nuff said

17. laundry. what can compare to the warmth, the smell, the blessing of having clean clothes to wear?

18. letters from Tamirat

19. a big soft bed.

20. pink nail polish

Silence is Deadly by Ezekiel Azonwu with transcription

2011-01-17T20:19:00.000-08:00

I could teach you how to kill without choking, stabbing or shooting.
Just walk past someone who's dying and do this
And it's funny--I'm stuck instructing this tough class but I just passed
I was not the good Samaritan--I was the priest who just passed
Who can't understand why he's only washing his hands after taking his blood bath but
But here's the lesson:
Death is the equivalent to life when life is unmentioned.
So scratch the strife and the tension
You might as well pull them to the side, look them in the eye, and tell them, "I want you to die."

And if they're struggling and desperate for a word of life to survive,
Just keep your mouth closed--now that's homicide
Most Christians are so eager to open their mouths to bless me,
But when I'm struggling with sin, they hold the truth back and
pat me on the back gently, and tell me something sweet,
cuz they don't want to offend me
At that point it was so necessary for me to repent
see, I was driving on grace while my tank was on empty
why only bash violence when silence is so deadly?
And Scripture says our tongues hold the power of life and death
And that helps, but couldn't we use our powers to bring life to someone else?
if we just think it but never speak it, then death will volunteer itself

Shhh don't mention it. Shhhh just roll with it
Shhhhh it's the generation of hush
Hush mode-ism. And it's ruining us
you can trust that people are thinsting for the living water
so why are we so busy sweating bullets
trying to keep it a secret that they're sure to be dry. . .Bones
In this valley we are all Ezekiels
God needs us to speak to his people
Shall they live? I don't know
Cuz honestly, if I'm not speaking life into you, I'm killing you
I see some of you are feeling the same type of conviction I'm feeling too
Cuz if I had an adjective to describe the type of killers we've become, it would be serial
And I'm serious, just look at us
Even in our personal lives, we've hidden behind our lies so many times
that our hearts have a hard time convincing our minds that everything is fine,
so because of our pride, we keep our lips sealed, and pretend that we're mimes

not knowing that our audience is potentially blind

But my God speaks Braille, and it's only difficult

If you can't see what He did for you

So I don't care what they did to you, know how much it gets to you

regardless of who disrespected, rejected, or neglected you, slept with you

and sexually transmitted disease infected you

no matter who, what ,when, where, why or how they spiritually or physically molested you

raped you, betrayed you, spit in your face just to show you how much they hate you

despite what they did against you,

if you take two seconds and think about how you've offended God,

it should make you understand how much you deserve death just as much as they do

so if they hurt you, let them know, speak forgiveness, let it go,

cuz my brethren you should know holding a grudge is the same as holding a gun

with the intention of having someone resting in peace

why do you think they say, speak now or forever hold your click-click peace?

you know sometimes we can be like old TVs

with antennae that can't receive signals from above so they shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

but God wants you to transmit that big picture with love

so don't let fear remote control you

cuz no matter how much static is in your view on Christ's station,

it's never cute to be mute in volume

so I dare you to be different, cuz by faith I've made a decision

that even if I was somehow placed in a prison

feet tied up, hands cuffed, face duct-taped up,

I would summon my faith in the Christ who saved us

through the manifestations of my heart's meditations,

I'd initiate communicate with my brain and

translate that information to my nerves and my veins,

sending words to my epidermis surface in case my lips couldn't release my statements,

I'd nod, twitch, and wiggle and wink you towards salvation

The spirit of pride--every spirit of pride or lack of boldness, I destroy it in the name of Jesus

You are now granted freedom to life--and not just to have it, but to speak it

Just allow God to breathe it, your CPR is needed

so if anyone is ever seeking for life, through the power of your words

I pray and I wish that I never see anyone go shhhhhhh

Cuz Christ took lashes of the whip--and I'm not talking the regular whip

The kind of whip that when inflicted, causes the flesh to rip and compels you to go --

So you never have to go shhh

And now that we know that God has chosen that our spiritual reproductive organs be manifested

by our words through our lips when we're speaking supernaturally we're conceiving by our words

through our lips

so how can life continue to exist when my sisters keep them closed and my brothers keep them zipped?

so for the sake of life I beg you to open your mouth and speak

transcribed by annabelle minturn

tags: ezekiel azonwu silence is deadly lyrics words p4cm lyricist lounge

Next Time

2010-12-05T22:59:00.000-08:00

Started out this Sunday on my face again pushing in
And wasn’t it MC Hammer who said, “We have to pray just to make it through the day”
I never get tired of believing you, I never get tired of trying to break through, I just get tired of myself sometimes
It’s so easy to be human, it’s so easy to make excuses, but the simple truth is,
I was too scared of intruding
These are people’s lives you’re playing with, He said.
Every time you get a bit scared you let another one slip through the net, He said
They need me more than you need to be comfortable
He said stop listening to your head, and listen to me
Your mind doesn’t understand the things I see
Next time, next time, next time
Listen to me
My voice should be louder than your reasoning, your reasoning, those human things…

Cause if I don’t go when you say go, if I don’t speak when you say so
We might find that we’ve run out of ways to see the world around us change
If I don’t move when you say move, cause I don’t trust what you told me to do
It might never come around again
Next time, I’ll do it your way

You never know where the spirit has been whispering at night
You never know where the angels have been putting up a fight
We cannot see with our own eyes, everything is organized
We can only hear when it’s our turn to go switch on the light
Listen to me
Your mind cannot understand the things that I see
Next time, next time, next time
Listen to me
Cause my voice should be louder than your reasoning, your reasoning, those human things

These are people’s lives you’re playing with, He said
And every time you get a bit scared, you let another one slip through the net, He said
They need me more than you need to be comfortable
He said, stop listening to your head…

Unashamed

2010-11-26T19:59:00.000-08:00

I am a part of the fellowship of the Unashamed. I have the Holy Spirit
Power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has
been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, let up, slow
down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense,
and my future is secure. I am finished and done with low living, sight
walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tame visions,
mundane talking, chintzy giving, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or
popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised,
regarded, or rewarded. I now live by presence, learn by faith, love by
patience, lift by prayer, and labor by power.

My pace is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven, my road is narrow, my
way is rough, my companions few, my Guide is reliable, my mission is clear.
I cannot be bought, compromised, deterred, lured away, turned back, diluted,
or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the
presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the
pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won't give up, back up, let up, or shut up until I've preached up, prayed
up, paid up, stored up, and stayed up for the cause of Christ. I am a
disciple of Jesus Christ. I must go until He returns, give until I drop,
preach until all know, and work until He comes.

And when He comes to get His own, He will have no problem recognizing me. My
colors will be clear for "I am not ashamed of the Gospel, because it is the
power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes.." (Romans 1:16)

Surrounded by Idols

2010-10-06T09:49:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, I met up with my buddy Alex, and we were driving around
Irvine doing some quick errands, when, as usual, I brought up my
disillusionment of the California way. In the 'deep south' of
California, and especially in Orange County, I am just plain disgusted
with my surroundings. OC is full of people driving luxury cars, living
in huge houses, shopping in 'premium' stores and working in buildings of
architectural genius. I finally put words to what I felt as we breezed
down Jamboree--"I feel like I am surrounded by idols". Though he may
not get how much I despise the California way, one thing we agree on is
how wonderful it is to escape out of suburbia and into the mountains,
where man-made things have not yet drowned out God's creative beauty.
Even while surrounded by modern idols, no one was able to prevent the
clouds that brought a light rain, or the mountains to the east, standing
proud. But many people fail to appreciate the rain.

I loved Colorado rain. It slows life down, refreshes everything and
leaves behind crisp clean air. In California, it is unacceptable to be
slowed down, and we get stressed by the rain. This morning it took me an
hour to go 18 miles, mostly freeway, due to traffic and rain. And it got
me irritated. I hate who California makes me.

I wish God would invite me back to Colorado. . .but if not, please
remind me he knows best.

There Is A Way

2010-10-02T19:23:00.000-07:00

I just found out tonight that Newworldson came out with a new album. . .months ago. I love Salvation Station and just re-downloaded their music onto my phone. And, tonight, I found this song

You say love is just a word, just four letters in a row
Just a thing that people say or they never tell you so
And you use every excuse to let nobody in
Now this cloud you bring around has become your only friend

And everybody saying that it's going to go away but it don't go
And everybody's telling you one day it's going to change
But you don't know if it's really going to end

But there is a way, there is a spark
There is a hope that you can hold on to
There is a lifeline come to the rescue
Just like a hand that's waiting for you
And if you believe in this I promise that you won't be alone
There is a way, the truth and the life, and the way

But if love became a man if the word had flesh and bone
Would you recognize His face if He came to bring you home?
You think you're all alone, gotta do it on your own riding solo
Is there someone you can call when you stumble and fall?
'Cause you don't know if you'll be getting up again

There is a way, there is a spark
There is a hope that you can hold on to
There is a lifeline come to the rescue
Just like a hand that's waiting for you
And if you believe in this I promise that you won't be alone
There is a way, the truth and the life, and the way

Don't you think your life's worth saving?
Don't you know that love's amazing?
Don't you want to lay your troubles down?
Lay them down

If I thought love was just a word, I might feel the same way too
But there's so much more than that and it's waiting here for you

There is a way, there is a spark
There is a hope that you can hold on to
There is a lifeline come to the rescue
Just like a hand that's waiting for you
And if you believe in this I promise that you won't be alone

There is a way, there is a way, there is a way
(Truth and the life and the way)
Come on, there is a way
(Truth and the life and the way)
There is a way, there is a way
(Truth and the life and the way)

There is a way
(Truth and the life and the way)
Ooh, there is a way back home
(Truth and the life and the way)

It really is all about Jesus.

Things I learned. . .

2010-09-24T12:50:00.000-07:00

As if there is anyone who does not know, I sponsor a Compassion kid. His name is Tamirat, and he lives in Ethiopia. He is about my age (just 3 months younger). The cool thing about Compassion is they do not just ask for your money and leave you in the dark. They want you to know about their programs, to know about the child you sponsor, and about his/her culture. I wanted to know about Ethiopian culture and have a reference of things to talk about. In reading Compassion's info about Ethiopia, and with a quick visit to Wikipedia, I learned some new things about Ethiopia:

Their new year is September 11, my birthday :)
Amharic, a semitic language, is the official language
Addis Ababa is the capital
Ethiopian cuisine does not have pork because of religious influence
Ethiopian cities are largely at high elevations, many higher than Colorado Springs (>6000ft), where Compassion's headquarters are.
Ethiopia is one of the oldest countries in the world

All of these are off the top of my head.

I learned about Africa in 7th grade--a full 9 years ago. Of course, I remember very little, even about the Congo, which I wrote a report on. But Compassion, by way of their blog and other media, has really helped to get me out of my American box. In 7th grade, Mrs. Whitmire was teaching us geography and history, but a middle school World History class does not teach the true state of the world. I am so much more educated in reality by Compassion. I love knowledge; I love information--I have been called a walking concordance, a walking dictionary, and a walking encyclopedia. And yet, I do not watch the news (seriously, I do not have TV, and only read news on Facebook). I believe I know more about the state of the world than your average American. The world is getting smaller, and it would seem we would be more aware of what is going on, yet I am astounded by the level of ignorance my peers have (and that I used to have).

I would be interested to see what other people learned about their kid's country--comment below if you have anything cool that you learned

Colorado Again

2010-09-06T12:16:00.004-07:00

I have bought tickets to go visit Colorado. Super excited about that, more so than turning 21.

I still hope to be living there come November. Seems time is running out. Yesterday, I went back to see when I responded to Gayle's posting looking for childcare. Just five weeks before she hired me. In five weeks my life went from going nowhere fast to working for the coolest people ever. And I really miss that job. I find it hard to believe God called me back to California, since it seems to have been disaster after disaster, but thanks to old writings, I am reminded that he gave some pretty darn convincing reasons.

Had I not worked for Gayle, I would not be a Compassion sponsor today. Compassion is not just some organisation I send some money to every month. By this ministry, I have become more educated about the state of the world and I have learned so much more about the love of God. I actually care about strangers.

sigh. . .I do truly believe being back in Colorado Springs would be right. Not fully sure why.

This life is so crazy, and I have no idea what the next year holds. Heck, I do not even know what the next two months have in store for me. But I do know one thing. Whether I reside in Colorado again or not, those 16 months were some of the best in my life, and have changed me for good. As in both beneficially and permanently.

P.S. If you click the first place I mention Gayle, you can read the cool stuff she wrote on the Compassion blog.

I Try

2010-08-16T21:35:00.003-07:00

It was at the Lyricist Lounge 3, hosted by P4CM, that my need to speak life was realised.

I gained some understanding that night, and while my fickle heart still finds ways to force emotion upon me, I know better.

When someone does something against you, it hurts. When they are an intimate friend, it does not just hurt, but it kills. It kills something inside of you. Things can never be the same. How do you forgive the one who repeatedly spit in your face? Not by your own power, that is for sure. I am afraid to say I forgive, because I still feel the hatred sometimes. Forgiveness is final, and my attempts have been anything but. It is not to be based on the recipient, but I feel so unforgiving when they are so unlovable. Quite a dilemma I have. One thing, though, I can say--I try.

"regardless of who disrespected, rejected, or neglected you, slept with you. . .spiritually or physically molested you. . .despite what they did against you, if you take two seconds and think about how you've offended God, it should make you understand how much you deserve death just as much as they do. . .so if they hurt you, let them know, speak forgiveness, let it go, cuz my brethren you should know holding a grudge is the same as holding a gun." ::ezekiel azonwu::

How Two People Changed the Future

2010-08-13T21:18:00.002-07:00

Two sponsors changed the lives of two children and ended the line of poverty. Wow, that is success. I doubt our welfare program works that well

http://blog.compassion.com/poverty-stops-here/

1,000 Thanks

2010-08-10T19:12:00.006-07:00

A thousand thanks for a thousand gifts.

Every good and perfect gift comes from above

1. life. I have almost 21 years. And no matter how many days I have here, I have a sure future in heaven

2. love. How can I ever fathom the love of Christ? it simply amazes me

3. Colorado. most beautiful place. I cannot wait to be back. I feel so near to God when I am there.

4. Jay. I dream of marrying this man.

5. grey. Grey makes me happy. The grey of a stormy day, the grey of the ocean. The grey of Jay's eyes.

6. Pibbsy. Ribbon is my kitty that I have had for most of my life. <>

7. Compassion International. Seriously, they make it a lot easier for me to obey God and love all his people, even on the other side of the world!

8. Worship music. Best cure for depression! Right now, this

Hosanna by Starfield

among other Starfield and Jeremy Camp songs

9. Pastor Rob. seriously, Calvary Chapel Vista is blessed with a great pastor.

10. my family. They are a big part of who I am.

On Josiah

2010-08-09T21:30:00.004-07:00

Here we go--another post in which I bring Compassion up!

Two posts ago, I mentioned Josiah's success with regard to his standing up for the poor and needy.

Get this--Josiah did not just stand up for the 'little guy', but he was one! Too often we ignore the potential that children have. This potential is not to do great things 20 years from now, but to do great things TODAY. Josiah was just 8 years old when he commenced his reign as king of Israel, and by the close of his twenties, he had brought his nation back to the worship of the true and living God. Josiah did not even make it to 40--he was just 39 when he was wounded and died. Yet in the time of his life cut short he accomplished so much and had the honour of being part of the line that would bring to us Messiah!

Now, can we even, if by none other than selfish reasons, afford to let children continue to suffer so? Can we really let 1,000 children under the age of 5 die EVERY HOUR of preventable causes?

Today's link is not the main Compassion page. Check out the Child Survival Program

Know God

2010-06-28T22:47:00.004-07:00

I looked up Jeremiah 22:16 in 19 English versions, 2 French, and 1 Italian. In doing so, I realised I do not know Italian as well as I should. Regardless, by the non-English translations, I noted again what English lacks--description.

I settled on the Amplified version--He judged and defended the cause of the poor and needy; then it was well. Was not [all] this [what it means] to know and recognize Me? says the Lord.

The one element that the Amplified version portrays more clearly is that of recognising God. To recognise God is to realise who he is. When one realises His sovereignty, one acts accordingly. In standing up for the poor and needy, Josiah was recognising God. As I mentioned before, English lacks description. In the French and Italian versions, the words used for know are similar. All 3 versions used a word for know that came from the Latin cognōscō. In French and Italian, there are also words translated as know that stem from sapere. Sapere means to have knowledge of , however, cognōscō means to know personally. Thus, we see that in his deeds Josiah did not just know of God, but he knew God.

So I wonder, could we interchange these phrases. Instead of saying, "I know God", could you say, "I judged and defended the cause of the poor and needy?"

Because it appears that if you can say the latter, you can say the former.

And so, here is my opportunity to say that a great way to defend the cause of the poor and needy is to sponsor a child through Compassion. And no, I have no affiliation with them other than that I sponsor a child through their program. I talk about Compassion so much because I am a huge fan of their ministry. Compassion is my proper noun of choice when it comes to charitable giving.

Almost by Ezekiel Azonwu (transcription included)

2010-06-24T18:24:00.008-07:00

one of the most dangerous terms in English diction

if it could be translated into audio it would sound like

pbb-bb-bb-bb from the saxophone of Lisa Simpson

two words designed and strategically combined

to form the biggest oxymoron in the history of mankind

ALL-MOST

But see, as far as the world's concerned, you could live your life vile

and could almost get away with murder if you had a nice smile

you could almost meet folks just to almost sleep around

and stop at your local clinic while you almost had a child.

see, 'almost' is no stranger to Satan. Here's proof:

he only tells lies when they're almost the truth

and it's amazing in our incompleteness we find complacence

but if almost is one of Lucifer's many traits

then we are inadvertently good Satan impersonations

But on the contrary, Christ did his job fully

and he proved he was God when he died on the cross like it was his duty

and to pardon my iniquities that I commited rudely

he resurrected from the grave just to tell death to excuse me

but excuse me, this is your life and that's something I can't impose on

but your body is God's home which was alone about to get forclosed on

See, an almost Christian looks right but lives wrong

Can't stand the conviction in Romans so they sit down to be comforted in Psalms

Never understood worship but loved to sing songs like I surrender all. . .MOST

Cuz it's far to expensive to spend your life on something that doesn't appeal to your five senses

see, nowadays, Christianity is like a Louis rag--

no function or use but we just rock it cuz it's stylish

not righteous, but right-ish

So now all God sees is a pile of ISHmael's when he intended for Isaac's

And we're moved by how we feel so we're saved when we feel like it

so technically we've never really been saved we merely tried it.

So no wonder why we're never sold out when we return it after we buy it

Let me break it down because you need to beware

that your life could lack the very standards that need to be there

Cuz on that final day of judgment while God's receiving his heir

will he say, Son, well done or [spits] medium rare!

Cuz even by earthly standards it would be highly insane

to start spending all of your money days before you almost get paid

like parents, you wouldn't send your kids to a school that's almost safe

and ladies, would you really date a man who claims he's almost straight?

and this is the very thing about God that we all try to get around

but his standards are like between two mountains--no middle ground

so a halfway life is unprofitable to you

cuz after all the Sunday service, Bible studies, and prayer meetings

and everything that goes between, God will say I never knew you

But that's not even the worst part of living your life as neutral

it's that you were once arctic but it is your lukewarmness that is causing him to spew you

and this is the very thing that had me

I was bound and held down by the unforgiving gravity of my spiritual reality

I was a Christian, or at least I portrayed the fantasy

With a filthy personal life but a "God bless you brother, how you doin' sister?" personality

I was a male enveloped by guilt because I was stamped a sinner

My message couldn't be received because I didn't represent the sender yet I was almost delivered

Till that one day when I totally, absolutely and completely surrendered

I took heed to a modern prophet who proclaimed it was time for change

now I'm no longer bound to sin point-blank off the chain

You can ask Umar Abdul Mutallab, he'll tell you the same--

you don't almost go to jail when you almost blow up a plane

like you don't almost go to hell when you almost get saved

despised the cross that he was slain and thus the cause for which he came

but don't worry i'm almost done, but before i leave this stage

we have all worked in sin and death was minimum wage

but if it wasn't for Christ we would have almost got paid

transcribed by annabelle minturn

tags: ezekiel azonwu almost lyrics words p4cm lyricist lounge

Bailout Plan by Tim Glenn

2010-06-21T17:17:00.002-07:00

“It’s extraordinary to me that the United States can find $700 billion to save Wall Street and the entire G8 can’t find $25 billion dollars to save 25,000 children who die every day from preventable diseases.” –Bono.

I don’t mean to make light of the current economic crisis in the United States, but there’s a part of me that wonders if we don’t deserve this.

As a country, we have been getting fat and lazy while two thirds of the world struggles just to stay alive. Not all of us, mind you, but collectively — as a country — we’re complaining not because we can’t survive but because our luxuries cost us more than we want to spend.

We want cheap gas and “affordable” four-bedroom homes. We want 200 channels on television and to be able to go out to eat two or three times a week.

As Americans, many of us believe we deserve those things. There’s a sense of entitlement. Meanwhile, on the other side of this tiny little planet of ours, someone is praying, pleading to God for a slice of bread.

So our government is working on a bailout plan. How can we maintain the “American way of life” without suffering the consequences of our decisions? A loan. We’ll loan ourselves money and turn a blind eye to the root causes of greed and selfishness.

We do that so well, don’t we? We attack problems by trying to change the circumstances, instead of battling the root causes. I know I’ve done it in my own life, so this is as much an indictment on me as it is on anyone else.

Then I start to think about the poor.

What is the bailout plan for that family living on less than $2 a day in a developing country? The family who struggles not with wants for luxury but needs for survival. Who will bail them out?

The answer, oddly enough, is us. Yes, the same “us” that’s struggling in the midst of this economic downturn. When our economy is bad, it trickles down to the poorest of the poor.

Higher food costs and fuel prices mean their $2 a day doesn’t go nearly as far. We have to look beyond ourselves, now more than ever, to be the church God intended us to be.

The Church is God’s bailout plan for the poor.

I’m not saying we should throw money at poverty and turn a blind eye to its root causes. I understand why Bono is frustrated over the lack of funds, I really do. But money alone won’t stop poverty.

It goes deeper than that. Besides, I think the Church can do better than any government. We understand the spiritual implications that despair and hopelessness cause. And no one can meet those needs better than the Church. If we’ll just be the Church.

This is a time to pray. Not just for the economic crisis in our country, but also for the ones hit hardest — the poor. And, there’s something else we can do: give more.

That’s right . . . more. I know it sounds odd, but what if, instead of hording our money during this time of economic struggle, we decided to be more giving? Wouldn’t that be something?

Imagine the headlines: GIVING TO THE POOR IS UP — EVEN AS STOCKS DECLINE. At the very least, we can’t afford to cut back on our giving. The poor simply cannot survive if we do.

I don’t know what giving more means to you. It could be sponsoring a child. It could be giving to a fund that feeds the hungry.

Maybe it means going on a mission trip and getting your hands dirty. But this is the time to do it. Now. Not tomorrow. Not to change circumstances . . . but to attack the roots.

Click the title to see the original post on the Compassion Blog

Why I Support Compassion

2010-06-04T08:55:00.006-07:00

Compassion is my charity of choice, here are some reasons why

These are not in any particular order

1) Relationships: with the Child Sponsorship Program, I am not just giving money to an organisation. I sponsor an individual child. I am able to foster a relationship with the child I sponsor. The great thing about this is I can see the results personally. I do not just hear about how over a million children are being sponsored. I can hear about the child I sponsor, Tamirat, and how he is personally affected. I like such relationships.

2) I am commanded to: In at least five places in the Bible (NKJV), it explicitly says to aid the poor. Yes, I am going to list them.

Lev 25:35 If one of your brethren becomes poor, and falls into poverty
among you, then you shall help him, like a stranger or a sojourner, that
he may live with you.

Deut 15: 7-8 If there is among you a poor man of your brethren, within
any of the gates in your land which the LORD your God is giving you, you
shall not harden your heart nor shut your hand from your poor brother,
but you shall open your hand wide to him and willingly lend him
sufficient for his need, whatever he needs.

Deut 15:11 For the poor will never cease from the land; therefore I
command you, saying, 'You shall open your hand wide to your brother,
to your poor and your needy, in your land.'

Psalm 82: 3-4 Defend the poor and fatherless; Do justice to the
afflicted and needy. Deliver the poor and needy; Free them from the
hand of the wicked.

Proverbs 31:9 Open your mouth, judge righteously, And plead the cause
of the poor and needy.

3) method: Compassion works through local churches, that are already established and who demonstrate sound doctrine. They also look for long-term situations. Poverty cannot be fixed overnight. I believe stability is very important for children. Change is good, instability is not. To me, the most important facet of their long-term changes is the fact that they are not just releasing children from poverty, but they are "Releasing children from poverty in Jesus' name." To give a child food to eat and clean water to drink, but to leave their soul hungering for the Word and thirsting for Living Water is to accomplish nothing of great consequence.

4) integrity: Compassion has demonstrated great financial efficiency. Check them out on Charity Navigator and the Better Business Bureau's Wise Giving Alliance.

5) the people of Compassion: one thing I can say about Compassion that a lot of sponsors cannot is that I have been to their offices, and I have met many of their employees. I worked full time for two employees and occasionally for another. I even lived with one of the people I worked for. They are different. They are so passionate about children, and it is apparent. Is that not important, considering what Compassion does?

6) the value given to children: I believe investing in people is the best investment one can make. Of everything around us, the only things eternal are people and the word of God. Children are the future, and the effects we have on them now will be present in eternity. Think about it--some of the people that will be in heaven are going to be Compassion kids that would not have heard the gospel if it was not for Compassion.

(I will post sources later-this is being sent from my mobile phone)

I have also worked with Samaritan's Purse and fundraised for World Vision. These are also great charities too, but I have chosen Compassion as the one I regularly give to. Remember that SP and WV work in different ways. Within the church, it is great to have unity in diversity.

2010-06-02T08:46:00.000-07:00

Said of a church in Lome, Togo:

"The church would like to be able to do more, but in the meantime has
decided to be faithful with the opportunities that present themselves."

Wow. It is stated so 'matter-of-fact'. So easy to miss.

How many times do we wait until we feel we have the means necessary to
do some grand thing we believe God has called us to? Instead of waiting
till everything is in order and starting off with a bang, start by being
faithful in the small stuff.

Average

2010-05-30T22:17:00.002-07:00

I like to think of myself as your less-emotional-than-average type of girl. And maybe I am, maybe I am not. I cry VERY rarely for movies. But I cry every single time I start reading the Compassion blog.

What is average anyway? I just googled the average world income. When I have jobs that include room and board, I actually make less than that. It is not a lot of money. But average does not necessarily mean it applies to many people. At $7K/year, one is in the top 7th. Nearly 6 billion people live off less than that. Six BILLION. After playing around with this calculator a bit, I found that their estimates put $850 a year as the median annual income. I no longer feel so average. Wow. I have so much less than my fellow Americans, yet I have more than over 80% of the world.

When I was in school, I consistently scored higher than the 90th percentile on standardised tests. I remember getting an 86th percentile once, and feeling terrible. Out of my entire class, I was often the top student. Well, for standardised tests. Not for grades. I could not imagine what it would be like to be scoring at the median. Average sounded like a terrible word to me. I get so much chaff for being a college dropout. But again, I have a terrific education in comparison to everyone else.

I realise I am so privileged. Not only did God give me great abilities when it came to penciling in bubbles but he has given me so much more in terms of money and 'stuff', than most people could even imagine.

I do not give $38 a month so that I can feel good about myself. I do not give $38 a month because I feel like I have money to burn. I do it because I am responsible to be the hands and feet of Jesus. And in doing so, I find that it does feel good. And I see just how much more I have than these children.

I am not your average girl. No, I am rich, and I am well-educated. And I am going to put that money and that information to good use.

I am Nothing

2010-05-23T18:34:00.003-07:00

Funny, Pastor Rob was talking about this using a similar analogy this morning, but this post has been in the making for the past couple of weeks.

Is Jesus a crutch for the weak, as many say? I say not. He is my life support. Without him, I am dead in my sin.

To live IS Christ. The effects of the sin remaining in me, and the sin controlling the world around me still causes pain, but I am able to continue with life. My heart and my flesh fail, but he is my strength and my portion forever. The death of sin suffocates me, but he breathes life into me. Apart from Christ, I am NOTHING.

How do I become convinced that I am responsible for anything worked in my life? My pride simply tells me that I am the hero. But no, apart from Christ, I am nothing

AIDS

2010-05-22T21:15:00.002-07:00

Click the title

Calling

2010-05-20T18:47:00.002-07:00

I am realising yet again that the time is going to come where I have to make a choice determining the course of my life.

See, I am old enough now, and hopefully mature enough to get married. I even have a prospect in mind. There is no denying that my passion is people, including, and especially children. I read the Compassion International blog frequently, and EVERY day I wonder what more I should be doing. There is no doubt that to help the poor and needy is among the calls of the Christian. Yet, it seems to me as though throwing a portion of my paycheque and a few letters to the child who I sponsor is not enough. I know that to change one life carries the possibility of changing hundreds or even thousands. But then again, it may just change one or a few. And yes, God cares so greatly for each individual, and it is such a great thing to see one life given to him. But there are 7 billion people on this earth, and a good deal of them live in extreme poverty and see only injustice around them. And here I am, rather comfortable in comparison to them. Even at my toughest times I still have so much more than they do. And instead of pondering the numbers, and feeling 'sorry' for them, I wonder what more I should be doing. I am not sure that God is calling me to actually GO there--to any other country. In fact, I am somewhat confident that he is not. At least not at this time. And this is where the issue of marriage comes in.

When two people marry, they are then opened to a whole new world of ministry. A FAMILY can accomplish different things than two separate people can. Likewise, two individuals can accomplish things a family cannot. I believe the right time to marry is when two can better fulfill God's calling as a unit than as individuals. And this is where I wonder--is there something more I need to accomplish while I am still single? As of yet, I do not know of anything further I need to do. I wonder how the practical day-to-day fruition of my calling will change when I get married. I have no explicit calling that I know of. I simply know that my life is to be dedicated to people, and that DEFINITELY includes children and adults. I know that more of my calling as it relates to adults can be accomplished when I am married. But the part that I am mixed up about is the children. Sure I can HAVE/adopt children when I am married, but I no longer have the opportunity to go to children in other places, or even to make the decision how much money goes to releasing children from poverty. I believe I already know the answer, otherwise I would not be 'in a relationship'. I also know, however, that I would sacrifice said relationship if I knew that it was not what God wanted for me.

Love Like Crazy

2010-05-07T20:57:00.006-07:00

They called them crazy when they started out
Said seventeen's too young to know what loves about
They've been together fifty-eight years now
That’s crazy

He brought home sixty-seven bucks a week
He bought a little 2 bedroom house on Maple Street
Where she blessed him with six more mouths to feed
Yea that’s crazy

Just ask him how he did it; he'll say pull up a seat
It'll only take a minute, to tell you everything
Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I Love You
Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common since
Never let your prayin' knees get lazy
And love like crazy

They called him crazy when he quit his job
Said them home computers, boy they'll never take off
He sold his one man shop to Microsoft
They paid like crazy

Just ask him how he made it
He'll tell you faith and sweat
And the heart of a faithful woman,
Who never let him forget

Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I Love You
Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common sense
Never let your prayin' knees get lazy
And love like crazy

Always treat your woman like a lady
Never get to old to call her baby
Never let your prayin' knees get lazy
And love like crazy

They called him crazy when they started out
They've been together fifty-eight years now

Aint that crazy?

Pilgrimage

2010-05-05T04:29:00.003-07:00

It is pretty obvious to everyone that I do not want to live in California any longer. I hate being called a Californian. Call me a Coloradan, and I will be rather excited that you recognise and acknowledge that I am to be associated with such a great place. This has got me thinking about my spiritual life. We are pilgrims here on the earth, citizens of heaven on earth for just a short time. I do not find myself pining for heaven the way I do for Colorado. I am rather desperate to get to Colorado, but I do not long for heaven in such a way. I have struggled with this my entire life as a believer and I only recently began to see a glimpse of the longing that I should have. I was greatly saddened as a result of a sin committed and I could not imagine what I should continue to live for. And for once, my wish for death was accompanied by an actual wish for heaven. BUT. But then circumstances changed once more and my fickle heart was caught up in circumstances. Circumstances. Why must I base my person on event, and not on the person of my Saviour? Why is my emotion so capricious? I am convinced that the degree to which one's behaviour is based upon emotion directly correlates to the degree of worldliness and selfishness they possess. We would not be so prone to the whims of the heart if we were enraptured with Christ. In His presence, the presence of His perfect love, fear dissipates. Bitterness ceases. Self-pity has no place in His light. He must increase, I must decrease. Christ cannot fill a heart that is still occupied by self. And a heart filled with Jesus is a heart that longs to be with Him.

As is the usual case, I have a song for this--

but since the band isn't well known there are no lyrics or audio clips to be found!

Well, you can hear the beginning of the song if you click on the title.

I bought it here

Soul Tie, Part 2

2010-05-04T16:27:00.001-07:00

"I am a part of your soul, boy"

Guard Your Heart

2010-05-01T22:24:00.003-07:00

I know now why they told me to guard my heart. Value is determined by what someone is willing to pay. When we ask little, we become cheap. But when we DEMAND a higher price, only a man worthy of such treasure will be willing to pay the price.

This vignette tells the safety of guarding one's heart-

It was 1:30 A.M. on Friday, December 6, 1991. Patrolman Tommy Garrison of the Byhalia (Mississippi) City Police had pulled over a gray Monte Carlo for no tag on Highway 309. Garrison walked to the car where three men were waiting.

The driver said he didn't have his license with him but knew the number. Then Garrison saw three VCRs stacked in the back seat.

"Where did you get those VCRs?" he asked. That's when all three men got out. The first attacked Garrison with a knife. While the police officer was wrestling with him, a second man pulled a handgun and shot twice.

The first bullet struck the officer in the stomach and knocked him off balance. When the second hit his chest, Garrison was flung to the ground.

The three men jumped back into the Monte Carlo and spun out, heading north toward the Tennessee line. Before they were out of sight, however, Garrison stood up and ran back to his car to put out an all-points bulletin. He was shaken up and bruised, but unwounded.

That morning Garrison had put on one of the department's bullet-proof vests. The seven-year-old vest was two-and-a-half pounds of discomfort and reeked with sweat. Garrison had not been wearing it regularly because it was such as nuisance. But that Friday had been cool, and Garrison had worn the vest all day. And at the critical moment, it had saved his life by guarding his heart.

God warns, " Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellsprings of life" (Prov. 4:23). In other words, maintain your purity, your integrity, your commitment to the Lord.

Whenever you keep something precious safe, you can cherish and enjoy it, and its value appreciates. The longer we guard our heart--the more time and attention we invest in its care--the easier it is to keep up the watch. The more carefully we guard it, the more secure it will keep us.

Officer Garrison told me that ever since that bullet-proof vest saved his life he has worn one every hour he's been on duty. The rest of the officers on the force were motivated to start wearing them too, but it wasn't long before most of them left their vests at the station once more. When the critical moment comes, they won't be ready.

Guard your heart. Keep it for Jesus alone. If Jesus were to appear before you right now, and you were to ask, "What do want of me?" I believe that He would say, "I want your heart. Just give me your heart."

If He so greatly desires to have your heart, it must be a precious treasure indeed. Guard it carefully.

--Steven Singleton

You have but one heart. Guard it as if your life depends on it.

15 Questions Christian women need to ask a man before getting involved with him.

2010-04-29T23:29:00.002-07:00

I watched this video, and boy did it make me think. I struggle with focusing on the tangible. I want to have a God-honouring relationship, not just fun between two Christians. Huge difference there.

A lot of this is stuff I've talked about, and I really like the stuff about accountability. I wish my family was more interested so I could rely on them. . .

anyway, here's the tough stuff:

1) Theology.
The Bible: is it 100% God’s word & His only word? Jesus: is he God in the flesh & did He die for the sins of the world & rise on the 3rd day. Salvation: is it only by Grace through faith in what Jesus accomplished, not of any human work/effort?

2) Are you a Christian? If so why did you become one, how did you become one and when did you become one? How do you know you really are in the faith now? Please support your answer with scripture.

3) Would the last girl you dated say that she’s a better Christian after having dated you?

4) Are you willing to sit down with the ministers at my church so they can talk with you about your spiritual maturity and what your intentions are with me before we go any further in our friendship/relationship?

5) Would the last girl you were involved with recommend other women that need direction, leadership and spiritual strengthening to get involved with you? Why or why not and could I have somebody call her to verify your answer?

6) If we were in a relationship how would you be able to tell if I began idolizing our relationship over God, & what would you do to help me get back on track?

7) If we got together what things would you do to ensure physical purity in our relationship?

8) If I wanted to pursue a 100% hands off relationship that includes no kissing, hugging, holding hands or messages, to ensure purity and focus how would you feel about that?

9) Could you guarantee that I will spiritually mature & grow b/c I entered in to a relationship with you? If yes how do you know, if no then why should I be with you?

10) If one morning I woke up and was no longer cute, had a 100% flat chest, no hips, no butt, no curves, my hair fell out, & my teeth weren’t straight, would this be a challenge for you, how would you deal with it & would you still be interested in being with me?

11) What areas in my life do you see I need to grow & mature in and how could you build me up in those areas?

12) If you and I were to enter into a relationship what would be the spiritual goal/purpose of what you would expect us, those around us, & God to get out of it? And have you fulfilled this goal in past relationships? How do you know you will fulfill that goal with me if we get together?

13) If we got together would you be ok with having an open relationship where we sit down with ministers from my church every month and give an account of how our relationship is going? Along with answering any personal or spiritual questions they may have for us? The question’s will deal with our purity, spiritual growth, example, and over all progress.

14) What is God’s purpose in dating, and marriage? Please support your answers with the Bible.

15) Do you have a history of getting with girls primarily because you get lonely, the girls are pretty, or other reasons that are not godly? Can you please give me 3 people I call to verify your answer?

Riddance

2010-04-29T17:58:00.003-07:00

I got the message loud and clear. You don't want me here. Good. I don't want to be around either.

Why then, do you insist on repeating it over and over and over again, when we've clearly acknowledged our feelings? Why do you hinder me from doing exactly what you say you want me to do?

Timing

2010-04-24T14:35:00.002-07:00

At what point should two people who love each other marry?

My simplest answer is when as a couple they can serve God in their callings better than as two individuals.

There are always going to be pros and cons to either remaining single or marrying. There is more freedom as a single, but there is more experience and knowledge, not to mention backup as a couple. When you're single, you answer solely to God and to any earthy authority. When you're married, you answer to God, to your spouse, to the duties as a parent, and to any earthly authority.

Just something to think about.

Reliability

2010-04-19T18:55:00.003-07:00

I love reliable people. MANY of my friends are rather unreliable. Loan them money, don't get it back. Loan them things, never see them again.

I'm used to it. I don't part with anything I REALLY care about.

When I let J borrow my computer charger, he sent it back in well under a month. Wow. That really means a lot. Sure, if he hadn't I could have replaced it for very little money, not to mention it was an extra. But he sent it back in a timely manner. I like it!

Mentality

2010-03-23T01:09:00.005-07:00

I think I have a tendency to scare people when I talk marriage. Why? I
speak candidly, and I think I often sound as if I am suggesting what I
find to be an ideal situation. But here's the disclaimer: I know that
people don't operate in these ideal situations. We live in real life and
we can't act like we live in a perfect world. . .cuz we don't. That
being said, I still offer the caveat as follows: don't settle. Because
s/he knows you aren't perfect, it doesn't mean you shouldn't attempt
perfection.

See, here's the thing--I'll make it perfectly clear that I don't want to
sit around on my tush if it's time to get married. I don't have a
problem with getting married quickly, if it's to someone who doesn't
have the entitlement mentality. We tend to think of marriage as
getting, when really, we should see it as giving. All the benefits are
not what it's about. It's about joining yourself to another when as a
pair, you can serve God and his people better than you can as
individuals. To simplify marriage into a equation, I choose to see it as
marriage=sacrifice.

Marriage isn't a fairy tale. It's not magical. And husbands don't
sparkle.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment. Think about that. Life. Long. I get
tired of a cell phone contract well before the 2 years is up. Now,
realising a 75 year marriage is a possibility is sobering. And I sure as
hell am not going to always feel swoonful over a man, especially when
he's in his 90s! Old and wrinkly. . .But marriage is meant to be a
CHOICE to love. Day in, day out, through the years. Through the
decades.

Still, I want it. In the right time. Yeah, soon. But not the result of a
rash decision made by one whose common sense is blinded by emotion and
hormones.

Work

2010-02-02T16:32:00.005-08:00

Before I even speak, a lot of people know I'm a Christian. Or at least they know I have a "religious background." It's very interesting to see people's reactions to my resumé. I also have a 'googleable' name. And not on accident. I control what people see about me (with the exception of STUPID Flixster). When googled by either my first or middle name, my full legal name is discoverable, as are my commonly used usernames; thus my social networking sites are easily discoverable. People can also find out some of what I like, my work experience, volunteer experience, places I've lived, this blog, my activities, etc.

Sometimes work and religion can mix. That was my life in Colorado. Other times, I have to keep it quiet, in order to respect a parent's preferences for raising their children. With the exception of my job in Colorado, there isn't much conversation about my beliefs. I have had one employer who had VERY different beliefs tell me that she could tell I was a Christian because I was a good worker. Phew! So many times, it's like 'Christian' is a dirty word. I'm guilty of contributing to that. There have been times where people who knew my beliefs also saw the mistakes I made. Not good.

Should it not be that when someone sees what my beliefs are, they go, "oh a Christian, one of those people who is always kind, loves others, and who you can trust implicitly!" But no, instead people have to wait and see what I will do, because as far as they know, I'm just as bad as everyone else. Christians steal, lie, cheat, are rude, crude, unloving, etc. It shouldn't be so. If we are going to attach the name of Jesus to ours, should we not make it apparent through actions that we are indeed affiliated with him? I have to admit that I have been lazy at work sometimes. That's not good either. Sometimes work is hard or I'm not feeling well, etc, but I should still be known for my good work ethic, my reliability, and of course, for being trustworthy, joyful, and honest.

Bondservants(employees), obey in all things your masters(employers) according to the flesh, not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God. And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men (Colossians 3:22-23)

Again, self, stop complaining. Just don't do it.

PS--why do we trust implicitly, and not explicitly? they're opposites, yet they can both mean unreserved?? what the heck is wrong with english??

Suddenly Jarred

2010-01-03T02:49:00.007-08:00

Some things I've been thinking about lately:

A soft surface makes very little noise when something hard lands on it. It gives. It takes the blow, but will go back to it's shape. It bends under pressure.

A hard surface will often make a rather loud noise when something hard lands on it. It may break from the blow, or have a permanent dent. It will snap or be altered under pressure.

A soft heart isn't one you hear complaining when it takes a blow. A hard one does make noise and is breakable.

A cup brimful of sweetness cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, no matter how suddenly jarred--Amy Carmichael

If my relationship with God is right, my relationships with people will be as will. Where do wars and fights come from? Desires for pleasure.

Cures for depression. Here are mine:

1) change the focus from self to God; worship (Psalm 42:5)
2) realise that although I may have been the one who was at one point sinned against, I myself have committed greater errors against God. If he forgave me, so I must forgive others (Ephesians 4:32)
3) ask God to search me and to know me, and to point out any wickedness in my heart; pray and fast, purge myself of wickedness (Psalm 139:23, 24, 1 Corinthians 5:7)
4) change the focus from self to others; serve (Philippians 2:3)
5) talk to friends. ask for guidance, friendship, and hugs. (Proverbs 11:14, Proverbs 27:9)

I can't expect to hear from God if I'm not obedient. Disobedience breaks fellowship and communication. He will hear me, but it shuts my
ears to His language.

The Secret of Understanding

2009-12-17T00:37:00.001-08:00

The man who has received my commands and obeys them--he it is who loves
me; and he who loves me will be loved by my Father; and I will love him
and will disclose myself to him" (John 14:21).
Have you felt that you were stumbling along more or less in the dark,
wishing now and then for a more vital spirituality, a greater
understanding of God, and more "love" for Him? Obedience is the secret
of spiritual insight. It is not given to any but those who obey, for
they are the *only* ones who love God. There is no love where there is
no obedience. To choose to disobey is to choose darkness. No wonder we
stumble. Open your heart to the Light by doing what God says. Then He
will know you as His true lover, will love you and disclose Himself to
you. And you will walk in the light.
--Elisabeth Elliot, "The Music of His Promises: Listening to God with
Love, Trust, and Obedience"

Fulfilling My Purpose

2009-12-15T13:12:00.006-08:00

I guess in some way, I've always known that my life was going to revolve around children. Slowly, I've begun to see how that would happen; just little bits being revealed as time goes by. I was going to wait to 'have' my first child until I felt I was more on top of my bills and being financially responsible. But I'll never be perfect, and waiting for that is waiting for nothing. A few nights ago, I knew I had to 'have' that child that very night. So I found the oldest child I could on Compassion's site. He's 3 months younger than I am, and will soon be out of the program. I was thinking yesterday about how little it costs me to change this young man's life. The cost to sponsor him is less than a day's wage per month. So basically, I give just a few hours' wages per month to help out this kid. A few HOURS. Such a small amount.

Wow, how many times have I thought I didn't have enough of something? I think I have too much, and it's blinding me to the graces that God has given me. Really, this goes back to the video I was watching when I made the decision to sponsor Tamirat. As the 'comfortable' I need to be afflicted.

Ouch

2009-12-09T20:57:00.000-08:00

“Every person has the power to make others happy. Some do it simply by entering a room -- others by leaving the room. Some individuals leave trails of gloom; others, trails of joy. Some leave trails of cynicism and pessimism; others trails of faith and optimism. Some leave trails of criticism and resignation; others trails of gratitude and hope. What kind of trails do you leave?”--William Arthur Ward

“Only a life lived for others is worth living”---Albert Einstein

If Women Would Be Women,

2009-08-30T11:33:00.002-07:00

Would men be men?

Somewhat. I've heard guys complain about the way women act. Yeah, blame it on the woman. . .just like Adam did.

Men are supposed to be the leaders, and I think that if they didn't react to the advances of women, women would get a clue. I'm not saying that men are the only ones responsible. I'm not waiting around for men to be men. Seems men these days are afraid of commiment and aren't stepping up to the plate. So women now are becoming more agressive, more forward, and more demanding.

But if men began to step up, to be clear about their intentions, and to look for a marriage partner, instead of just a sex partner, I think women would clean up their act.

I'm too tired to be writing this, because it's far from the depth and clarity I was originally aiming for.

Holiness

2009-05-06T09:03:00.002-07:00

instead of asking, "how far can I go?" ask "how close can I get?"
Holiness doesn't seek the most pleasure; it seeks the most perfection

Do you justify your actions? Do you base your limits on how far you can
go and still be called a Christian? Do you praise God and then shudder
at the thought of Him watching what you do with (or without your
friends). That's not a life lived for the pleasure of God. That's a
life lived for the pleasure of self.

I'm fighting a tough battle between the flesh and the spirit--pleasure
and perfection.

Holiness is seeking God's standards. All things are lawful but not all
things are profitable. I've had to say no to some movies I've wanted to
see recently, because when I'm honest with myself, my boredom is not an
excuse for exposing myself to something that not only doesn't profit,
but probably "de-profits" me. Haha. I had to make up that word.

Holiness asks, "is this pleasing to God. Will it draw me closer to
Him? Will it aid me in becoming more like Him?" And holiness will
choose that which will be a "yes" to those questions.

Now, I do believe it is a bit extreme to forsake anything un-christian.
We do live in this world, be we are not of this world. I read books
that tend to be scientific in nature. Reading about the pharmacy
technician certification exam isn't necessarily self-seeking. (Might I
add the other 5 books I'm reading are Christian books?)

Lately I've listened to very little secular music. Why not worship God
while I'm driving or cleaning my room?

I just thought of a song by Everybodyduck that I love:

Doug Eats Dirt

Doug is in the garden, it's his third time there today
With a napkin tucked under his chin, he bows his head to pray
"thank you's" said, he turns his full attention to the soft brown clay
and starts to scoop fistfuls of dirt into his mouth.

Well his family's quite perplexed
have done all they can think to do
No plate of decent food distracts Doug from the soil he's partial to
And he otherwise seems normal when his feeding times are through
still there's something not quite right with mud stained teeth

and while on one hand we're glad eating dirt's not something you die
from
when there's healthy food available it just seems sort of dumb

that

Doug eats dirt
lots of dirt
breakfast, lunch, and dinner
Doug only eats dirt
mud and clay and silt and sand
Doug just doesn't understand that it doesn't become good for you because
it doesn't hurt

sure if Doug was drinking poison there'd be much cause for alarm
but despite the brown ring round his mouth dirt can't do Doug much harm
so we tolerate his wallowing like pigs out on a farm
still it doesn't change the fact we wish he'd stop

'cause if he'd eat healthy food not only would it help him grow
it would help improve digestion which has become rather slow
it's a proven fact that dirt clods make it really hard to go
and that aside it'd really clean him up a lot

we've all got a choice between the neutral and the good
choosing death by drinking poison clearly no sane person would
still we don't choose that which grows us even though we know we should
we're satisfied with that which doesn't hurt or help

all things are permitted that don't contradict God's will
but not all things benefit us and we choose to do them still
and how can we ever hope to be like Jesus was until
we start refusing that which doesn't help us grow?

all I want

2009-05-04T19:36:00.003-07:00

There are two things I really want right now.

I want to follow God wherever He takes me, and I want to follow Him with
a man.

I want to get married. I'm so young, but I have no pressing earthly
aspirations. I don't want to get a degree. I don't want to travel and
experience the world and "find myself". I already know who I am. I am
a child of God and will be what He wants me to be as He reveals that to
me. I don't want to just enjoy my single life. I like being single,
but it's not what I'd prefer. I'm not seeking marriage. I'm seeking
God and waiting for marriage. I don't really have my eye on any
young men. I don't even have male friends out here. But I believe God
will put me in the right place at the right time. I don't know when or
wear that will be. I sense God will be moving me elsewhere soon--"soon"
meaning within 5 years. I also believe there are two skills I need to
work on to be prepared for marriage--organisation and financial
balance. I also think that God has given me the means to work on these
skills and I should really take advantage of them! I'm learning how to
maintain an organised schedule, but as for being 'neat' that's another
story. I REALLY need to clean my room. As for finances, I REALLY need
to call my credit card companies and get working on those debts. I want
to be completely debt free before I marry, or at least have everything
but my car paid off. Another pre-req I've had for myself is the ability
to hold a job. I've been at one job for 50 weeks now, and staying until
God tells me otherwise. And another huge one is being able to raise
kids. I'm ready. I know that I could do it. I've been working with
infants for 9 years now. I've worked with a variety of ages as well.
I've diapered, fed, educated, tutored, homeschooled, and nurtured a lot
of different kids now, and I know I can do this. I don't think I'll
ever be fully ready to love and serve another, but I'm ready to do it in
God's strength.

I'm ready for all this jazz and I don't have a single plan in place.
God's making my appointments, and He'll tell me when. Isaac and
Rebekah were busy doing the day's tasks, and God brought them to each
other. I'm sure He'll do the same for me.

I don't consider marriage to be the gift and singleness the burden.
Both are gifts from God and I will use the gifts He gives me to glorify
Him.

"Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will
eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on.
Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the
birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns;
yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than
they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
"So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the
field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you
that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and
tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O
you of little faith?
"Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What
shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For after all these
things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need
all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His
righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do
not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things.
Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Matthew 6:25-34

For thought

2009-05-01T12:56:00.001-07:00

What is the difference between judging who God is based on a situation
and judging a situation based on who God is?

Please post comments below. I will soon add my answer

My heart is staying off my sleeve

2009-05-01T12:36:00.000-07:00

I've never worm my heart on my sleeve when it comes to my affections.
Very few of my friends (and only females) have known of my attractions
to young men. I must say I'm glad for this. I've never had to face
being rejected by a man. It's never created an awkward situation for
me. I can be friends with him still, with no fear. Nothing goes beyond
a simple friendship because there is no dance of infatuation. Most of
the time, my attraction fades, as does the guy. No harm done. Even if
he does remain, there is nothing more but a glimmer of 'what-ifs', and
I'm free to allow my fickle heart to seek out its next object, leaving
behind no broken hearts. It prevents me from using him and he from
using me. I am content to leave the pursuing to the man. I seek to
have a greater degree of friendship and fellowship with my male friends,
and I'm glad that my affections haven't gotten in the way. There's
something in me that drives me to push a man away if I develop a strong
attraction to him, which I must say, has proven beneficial in not
exposing my heart.

guilt

2009-04-26T23:25:00.002-07:00

God's been showing me more of my pride--in a place I never thought it'd be found. It made me feel somewhat better to carry a feeling of guilt with me for so long--by thinking I must pay for what happened. Christ's blood wasn't enough in my mind--but my feeling of guilt was. What sense is there in trying to pay a huge debt one penny at a time? It's insulting, considering it's already been paid. Shall I say your thousands of dollars weren't enough to cover my debt? I must now pay a penny! My penny makes it better. It's pride. That pride, under it's pseudonym guilt, was the greatest hindrance to my progression as a Christian for over six years. All for a choice I didn't make--my uncle did. He chose to kill himself, and I chose to tell myself that I owed God. Letting go of my pride is painful. My grief still remains, but I don't even remember feeling this free or having this joy. I am choosing to believe that his grace is sufficient. I'm choosing to serve God TODAY and love His people TODAY instead of fretting over the fact I didn't perfectly embody his love yesterday (or 7 years ago). 2 Cor 12:9

Why, God?

2009-04-23T14:51:00.006-07:00

I've often wondered why certain things have happened in my life. There are three events in my life that have been very large happenings in my mind. The first was my 6 years spent in the Nursery at Calvary Chapel Vista; the second is the death of my uncle, and the third, my move to Colorado.

I'm seeing how much those three events have helped to shape me into who I am today. I have long wondered why I was allowed to start working in the Nursery when I was 10 years old. In fact, when I was 12, the new rule was that you had to be 16 to do that--but I was allowed to continue--which I did until I was 16. I've been reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye again (like the 4th time maybe?), and this morning I read about making the most of your singleness--basically studying at the School of Life while serving God. One of the things Joshua Harris mentions in the chapter is children. I think that if I never got into volunteer childcare when I was a child myself, I would still be struggling with what to do with my life--but those six years and my babysitting for Evan Wickham became the foundation of my resume as a childcare provider, which is something I LOVE. I honestly believe that God led me in this direction to prepare me for raising children, which in my mind, is a daunting (but enjoyable) task. I still don't know for sure if I'm going to get married. I want to, but I have no guarantee. I still, however, plan on raising kids--be it by foster care or continued childcare, and my experience is a great asset to have.

The second huge event in my life was the death of my uncle (by suicide). I was 12, he was 18. I felt so lost in life for years following Nathanael's death. I wondered how this could happen, and what I did wrong. Since Bible College, counseling has been something I've put a lot of thought into. I've always loved having answers for people, and when I took my Biblical Counseling class, taught by Jeff Christiansen, I learned how necessary biblical counsel is. Suicide affects a lot of people, and because I have gone through it, I can understand the guilt that probably every affected person feels. But I also know that the guilt is not ours to carry. I am a Christian. I believe that Christ died for my sins, taking my GUILT upon him. What right do I have to feel guilty, whether or not I am? Even if something is my fault, I must give it up to Christ--why would I want something to be paid for twice? I'm poor! Conviction is a whole 'nother story, but feelings of guilt are not something that I am supposed to have. Nothing more can be done once someone dies, anyway. How is regret going to fix anything? I've found that such feelings can become an obsession that hinders a Christian (or any person for that matter) from moving forward in life. I wasted half of my middle school years and all of my high school years, because I was controlled by my feelings of guilt. Now I still carry a sadness, but I have the joy of the Lord as my strength, and the will to progress. I have so much more life in me than I ever had. Even now, I shed tears as I type--after all, I am still subject to my human emotions. But my grief doesn't rule my life. Though it would be wonderful if there was not a single suicide more, the truth is, I am going to be surrounded by people (and possibly even be a person) dealing with suicide. Because I have finally allowed God to comfort me and grow me through my ordeal, I am going to be able to remind people of God's faithfulness to comfort us as we deal with the various problems that are caused by the sin in the world.

The final great event in my life came about a year ago--when I decided to leave California and come to Colorado. I STILL don't have an exact reason as to why I'm here (or how long I'm staying), but I have seen God draw me more and more to Him as I lead my new life. I am in the story of many childrens' lives here, whether I have a large role, or a small one, I am still in their lives. There are 8 children that I watch monthly, or more frequently, plus I interact with a lot more kids on either a temporary or infrequent basis. With some I have greater influence, some not so much. But there is no denying I have influence. I used to think I wasn't having much influence out here since I work in my own home and have few friends, but then I realised how many kids I interact with--and how many adults I know now (usually parents of those kids).

I don't think I can give CAUSES for these events that have happened, because there may be some things I don't know, but I can definitely give EFFECTS

Shopping

2009-04-22T12:40:00.003-07:00

I absolutely hate shopping for jeans! It seems like such a waste of time to me, because I have to look so hard for a pair that fits right. Because I'm tall, 'average' jeans do not fit in the least. Sometimes even 'tall' jeans don't. So first I look for ones that might actually go down to my heels so I don't get frostbiten ankles. Then I have to find ones that fit me right on my hips. If they're too tight or too loose, they will annoy me so much! It seems I've never been an exact size, but I'm always halfway in between. I wish that my favourite store would just take my measurements and have a pair of jeans made to fit me perfectly. I've always thought Laura Engalls Wilder, the author of the Little House on the Prairie series, had it nice--her clothes and shoes (don't even get me started on shoes!) were made to fit HER, not random measurements of some other girl. She didn't have the frustrations of trying to find clothing and shoes that fit her, because they were made specially for her.

When asked to describe dating, I stated it was like trying on clothes to see if they fit. For some, that is all they know. A girl will try out so many different guys until she finds one she wants, then she decides he's a keeper, takes him home, only to find flaws later, so she 'returns' him and restarts the whole ordeal.

Wouldn't it be nice if someone could just take our measurements and make a pair of jeans that fit PERFECTLY? You can actually find websites that will do this (and for a halfway decent price), because it's marketable. People don't want to spend hours shopping for a 'good enough' pair when they can get a perfect pair with a tape measure and a few clicks.

Finding a husband these days looks a lot like trying to find a good pair of jeans, except it takes a lot more time and effort--after all we have more requirements for a man than we do for our denim! And then girls go through dating relationships a lot faster than a pair of jeans. I don't see where they get the time for so many dating relationships in order to find 'the one.' Wouldn't it be nice if someone could just make a man that was just right, and send him at the perfect time? Sound too good to be true? It's not. It's called matchmaking and it's not obsolete. AND--It does not require a prying old yente of a Jewish matchmaker. Our Maker is more than qualified as a Matchmaker. Does he not know you even better than you know yourself? Not only that but he knows all those boys! And he knows which of the millions of men out there is a perfect match for your every detail and your every quirk. Is it beyond His means to arrange circumstances so that one might meet the person to whom they are to be married? Could it be possible that God really needs our help when he already knows who 'the one' is?

Why not wait on Him and instead focus your attention on serving God as you are--single--and trust the He will meet your needs?

I'm leaving my matchmaking to God, and in the meantime, wish me luck! I'm off to find a pair of jeans that look good, are comfortable, and won't cost me my entire dowry. . .wait. . .I mean salary

Legos Are My Favourite Toy

2009-02-14T21:06:00.001-08:00

I'm not sure if I posted on this before or not. I know I thought of it.

I think I'm calmer than when I wanted to so it will be a bit nicer.

I'm tired of people telling me exactly what I should do with my life. I don't mind humble advice but when you try to map out my life for me, I have to say, that's not going to happen. I'm an adult. I do adult things. I pay ALL my bills, I work hard, I can find my own job, I can open a bank account, I can negotiate with credit card companies, I can get a car insurance policy, I can plan a trip, I read the news, I get my car's oil changed, pay for repairs, I can move myself, I form my own opinions, I can clean, I can feed myself and other persons nutritious meals, I educate myself on pertinent matters, I do my own taxes(even though they're complicated this year), I buy my own medicine, and I take care of another person 5 days a week. Obviously, I'm quite capable. I don't use any of my college education, and little of my high school education to do this. I'm happy, healthy, and successful. All without the help of these well meaning people who try to force their ideas. (I have to exclude mom from that. Although she pushed for college, I find the rest of her 18 years of fulltime input rather necessary, plus she's not pushing college now)

I don't live my life according to what people expect and/or say. I've chosen to follow God's prompting and lemme tell ya, he's got a much better plan than anyone, myself included. He moved me 1100 miles away, across 3 mountain ranges and 3 states. He provided a job and a home less than an hour after I got to Colorado. Could you have done that? I don't think so.

I loved Legos from the time I was really young. Every time my uncle made something but I wanted to make something cooler, I didn't resort to the leftovers. I took apart all the legos and used whatever pieces I though best to make something really cool and, of course, VERY functional. For me, it couldn't just be a cool looking thing. It had to DO stuff too! My "Lego" creation, put together by myself and others, wasn't nearly as cool as what God has reconstructed it to be. Seeing my Lego creation get torn apart was no fun, but once I saw that what was being built had way more potential and use, I accepted it willingly. Each time I try to add a piece, He ends up having to take it out. Sometimes He puts something else there, sometimes He waits. Right now, he hasn't put a "Boy" Lego or a "Money" Lego there, but after all the other awesome work He's done, I think I'd best let Him put them there when He sees fit.

For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence. But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God—and righteousness and sanctification and redemption—that, as it is written, “He who glories, let him glory in the LORD.”
1 Corinthians 1:26-31

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," says the LORD. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8&9

[He] is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think. . . Ephesians 3:20

ambivalence

2008-12-29T02:56:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I can't exactly tell how I feel about California. I have so many ambitions, and sometimes one located in the golden state sneaks into my thoughts. I've considered coming back to Bible college. My aunt needs a nanny. But the whole money thing is hard. I have my dream job. I don't know what I want to do much less what God wants. I also think I want to move to Lubbock. But again I have my dream job. I have a bird in my hand. Why search for the ones in the bush?

I think I'm just stir crazy. I'm very transient I think.

Maybe I'll finish these thoughts later

White as snow

2008-12-09T12:50:00.000-08:00

'Come now, and let us reason together,' Says the LORD, 'Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool.' Isaiah 1:18

His clothes became shining, exceedingly white, like snow, such as no launderer on earth can whiten them. Mark 9:3

Before I moved to Colorado I didn't realise just how white snow is. It reflects SO much light. Last night as I was looking around me, I realised I could see quite well. We have been told in science that white is a reflection of all the colours of light. That is why the smallest amount of light hitting snow will make it easy to see. During the day, the snow is SO bright and at night even with thick low clouds and no moon it's pretty easy to see around.

Something to think about. When we are cleansed from our sin, and this white as snow, we reflect the light.

Nasty four letter word

2008-12-04T19:00:00.000-08:00

Wait.

Seems so bad sometimes to just wait.

We want everything now. We move at such a fast pace that we don't have time to wait--to wait in lines, to wait on God, to wait for His blessings.

Romance seems to be an area in which this four letter word is virtually unknown. We don't wait patiently for us to meet the right person. We don't wait to enjoy certain benefits of marriage-but rather hop into bed with the first [willing, attractive, &tc.] person we come across.

But what if we aren't called to be searching for our next lover? Should we not just be busy doing our duties as Isaac and Rebekah did? Should we not trust that our Maker is also our Matchmaker?

Arranged marriage seems so bad to us. . .but I think Jewish ladies must have had it nice. They knew someone was working on their behalf to bring them a spouse that they would learn to love. Note the use of the word 'learn.' They didn't believe in love at first sight as a determining factor for their companion!

I'll be frank. I want romance. I'm tired of waiting. hello, my biological clock is ticking!!! jk, I'm still a little young for that. I want to think I'm ready to give myself to another person and to love him daily. But then I wonder, maybe I'm not ready. Would I become bitter and feel obligated to serve instead of being a joyful servant? Could I care for a man, much less kids?

I wonder why God hasn't told me who I will marry, or when, or even if I will

. . .

but maybe there is good reason for that

Wait
by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I plead and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

Every Evil Thing

2008-10-29T10:52:00.000-07:00

Confusion seems to be an epidemic in the church, caused by a nasty germ called deception.

As Christians, we need to keep clarity. Our faith is not a blind faith!

2 Corinthians 5:7 says we walk by faith and not by sight but this doesn't mean we close our eyes to what is going on around us. It doesn't mean we believe everything that we hear taught from the pulpit or from our friends.

I don't know where this topic came from. . .it's on my mind all of a sudden, but I think it may come from this verse I read this morning:
Open my eyes, that I may see wondrous things from Your law. (Psalm 119:18)
The Bereans were noted in Scripture "that they received the word with all readiness, and searched the Scriptures daily to find out whether these things were so." (Acts 17:11)
We must take everything we hear and compare it to the truth of the Bible before we begin to let it alter the way we live.

Christianity is not for people who want to leave their minds behind along with their common sense.

2 Timothy 1:7 tells us:
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Compare this to the religions that use mind-altering substances such as drugs and alcohol. Seriously, the heck?! These and even other religions (including some denominations of Christianity) that don't use mind altering substances can have a great amount of hullabaloo and chaos, but that's not what God wants.

1 Corinthians 14 has a good-sized text stating that church meetings are to be orderly.
Verse 33 reads:
For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints

I have been hearing all around me lately that you have to learn to love yourself before you love others. This really gets me fired up! WE DON'T NEED TO LEARN TO LOVE OURSELVES!!!! We already do. It's natural. You may say, oh I hate myself, I'm such a terrible person. Yeah, you are a sinner. I already knew that. "self-hate" is pride! Admit you're a sinner, because it is true! But to say that your life doesn't mean anything is to say that God is wrong--he didn't create you for grins and giggles. He has a purpose for your life. You are made in his image. So, you hate what God made?

Ephesians 5:29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

We are to live a life of humility and service to each other, and not look for ways to serve ourselves, but to serve the body.

James 3:16
For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.

Note: because English is not a very precise and accurate language, to some "loving oneself" is simply to take care of themselves. In the Bible health and hygiene are clearly supported. We are also told multiple times that our bodies our God's temple, housing the Holy Spirit. What I am speaking against is consistently putting personal wants and pleasures before the needs and even pleasures of others. Our need for food and sleep should lead to our humility because we must realise God made us to need those things. We are not self-sufficient but depend on Him and on other people for our well-being. And if you are responsible for another person (your child/ren, of if you are a man, your wife), then you must take care of them before giving of your time and resources to others. 1 Timothy 5:8 tells us: But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Light & Darkness

2008-10-27T22:06:00.002-07:00

Light has no true opposite. No, darkness and light are not on the same plane. See, light is measurable. It consists of waves and particles. Light consists of colour. It can be bent, separated, altered, and it can travel through a filter. Darkness cannot. Darkness is not a thing, but merely the absence of light. An interesting thing I realised is that technically light is both an abstract and a concrete noun-it is truly unique in that it is an idea and intangible but it is also made up of particles which would seem to qualify it is a concrete noun. Interesting to note that light in the Bible is considered to be 'good' and darkness 'evil,' as darkness is the absence of light so evil is the absence of good. Note that in the Genesis account there was darkness before God created light. How could it exist if God didn't create it? Because it isn't a thing-just the absence of one. So too, God the creator of all things didn't create evil-evil exists where his goodness is not, where man expels God.

Genesis 1
1In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.

2The earth was formless and void, and darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was moving over the surface of the waters.

3Then God said, "Let there be light"; and there was light.

4God saw that the light was good; and God separated the light from the darkness.

A University professor at a well known institution of higher learning challenged his students with this question. "Did God create everything that exists?"

A student bravely replied, "Yes he did!"

"God created everything?" The professor asked.

"Yes sir, he certainly did," the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything; then God created evil. And, since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are, then we can assume God is evil."

The student became quiet and did not answer the professor's hypothetical definition. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "May I ask you a question, professor?"

"Of course", replied the professor.

The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?"

"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?" The other students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460F) is the total absence of heat; and all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."

The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"

The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact, we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."

Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course, as I have already said. We see it everyday. It is in the daily examples of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat, or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

The young man's name -- Albert Einstein

Ephesians 5:8

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light

Pharma 23

2008-10-03T14:36:00.001-07:00

The Psych is my shepherd;

I shall not want.

He maketh me to sit down in green armchairs:

He giveth me a glass of still water.

He shalt "restore my soul! And leadeth me down the path of the
pharmaceuticals for my own sake!"

Yea(h), even though I shalt then walk through

the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil:

For Selective Serotonin Reuptake

Inhibitors art with me!

Thy words though they're lies, they comfort me.

Thou preparest a prescription before me for

presentation to mine chemist: thou anointest my

Brain with drugs; my serotonin runneth over.

Surely Big Pharma shall haunt me

all the days of my life: and I shalt live

in a brain badly damaged

forever.

Envision

2008-07-25T21:36:00.000-07:00

We envision a thriving Colorado Springs in which all people can reach their full potential as human beings, free from oppression and discrimination. We envision a region where individual rights are honored, and constitutional rights, including life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are upheld for all people.

Sounds good doesn't it?

I took 3 words out of there: "including GLBT people"

We envision a thriving Colorado Springs in which all people, including GLBT people, can reach their full potential as human beings, free from oppression and discrimination. We envision a region where individual rights are honored, and constitutional rights, including life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are upheld for all people.

Does it make you angry now?

It seriously makes me so upset to see Christians getting so offended and irate about such statements. Is a homosexual somehow less of a person? No!!! Why do so many in the church treat homosexuality as the unpardonable sin? Why do Christians tell gay people they are going to hell instead of just telling them of the grace that covers our sin and theirs? Have we forgotten that we are also sinners? Have we forgotten that the law is the law, and once it's broken it's broken? It doesn't matter if you broke it once or a million times--you broke it!

For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all. For He who said, "Do not commit adultery," also said, "Do not murder."Now if you do not commit adultery, but you do murder, you have become a transgressor of the law. So speak and so do as those who will be judged by the law of liberty. For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment. James 2:10-13

Do we speak and act as those who will be judged by the law of liberty--the law of Moses?
Do we forget that we have cheated, we have lied, we have lusted?
That we have put work, money, dreams & aspirations, relationships, or even sleep before our God?
Why must homosexuality cause so much more uproar than other extramarital sexual relations?
Why does it seem to be so much worse than any other sin?

What about partiality?

The ground at the foot of the cross is level--there is no superiority or inferiority there.
But there is sometimes a lack of humility in the church and some create a pedestal for themselves and a pit for others. I'm guilty of partiality.

Guess what James right before the above verses:

My brethren, do not hold the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with partiality. For if there should come into your assembly a man with gold rings, in fine apparel, and there should also come in a poor man in filthy clothes, and you pay attention to the one wearing the fine clothes and say to him, "You sit here in a good place," and say to the poor man, "You stand there," or, "Sit here at my footstool," have you not shown partiality among yourselves, and become judges with evil thoughts?
Listen, my beloved brethren: Has God not chosen the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him? But you have dishonored the poor man. Do not the rich oppress you and drag you into the courts? Do they not blaspheme that noble name by which you are called?
If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself," you do well; but if you show partiality, you commit sin, and are convicted by the law as transgressors. For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all. James 2:1-10.

How often do we, as Christians, create in our minds a whole character just by appearance?
We stereotype. We fit a person into our ideas instead of getting to know them as a brother or sister; a fellow child of God. And we treat them according to our perceptions. What does it matter what one has here on earth. We came into this world with nothing, and so we leave.

Are we treating the "different" as royal heirs to an eternal fortune?
How often do we "love"people to death;
driving them away from our Lord by our so-called love, which is really quite the opposite?
Should we not instead love them to Life?
Can we direct our ways so as to make a person want to have what we have?
So many regard us with disdain on account of our actions.
We make Jesus look terrible!

Brothers and sisters,
I encourage you to live your life in accordance with the gospel.
Let people see by your actions that it really is good news.

call me corny but:
I envision a thriving church in which all people (including GLBT people) can learn their value as human beings, free from partiality and discrimination. I envision a church where individuals are loved, and drawn to Christianity and want to seek true life, liberty and the pursuit of holiness for all their days.

"I need a man like you"

2008-05-27T18:31:00.003-07:00

Gentleness—if they’re rough and rowdy, it annoys me so much!
Chivalry—it may seem old fashioned in liberal feminism . . . but guys are stronger than women and it’s a sign of willingness to help make up for where she lacks as opposed to taking advantage
Strength—a man needn’t be extremely muscular, but should be strong in many ways. I don’t want a spineless ninny! He should be able to make his own decisions, make his own living and his own home (no, not like a carpenter!).  He should be able to lead a healthy, happy life without a woman, but shouldn’t want to!
Appreciation—Even if he can do pretty much everything on his own, he should appreciate a woman’s touch—the cheerful decorations, the fabric softener that he usually forgets, the matching silverware, etc.  She should feel appreciated but should not be relied upon for everything.  Her thoughtfulness should be appreciated. Somehow men get by without attention to detail, but when she remembers to pack food for him, or makes sure he doesn’t forget his wallet, a "thank you, what would I do without you?" is one of the best things he could say.
Spontaneity—Think creatively; show her you care in unusual ways. Be willing to bend the rules a bit. However, if overdone, it can be irresponsible.
Cleanliness—But don’t make the Axe so strong I can taste it! And don’t leave your socks everywhere. My olfactory skills are likely more refined than yours.  Sweat isn’t bad if it’s not too often . . . or 3 days old
Honesty—Be frank and candid. "brutally honest" is a major no-no!

What repels women from men? (character flaws & detestable circumstances)
Arrogance & Pride—These are not a strength but a weakness!
Rudeness—We pay attention to how you treat the cashiers, waiters, petitioners ;), etc.  And I’m usually too quiet to say hi, so step up!
Wandering eye—Breaking eye contact with me to stare at some other girl is rude and belittling.  Even if I’ve no claim to you or you to me, pay attention and engage, even if it is boring!
Insulting—Don’t insult me, your family, friends, etc. Yeah, you can tell me what you’re upset about, but name calling is a juvenile way to talk and I fear you’ll do it to me.  It damaging!  And I will lose respect. It a major form of pride. I’d like to see some meekness and humility and I will respect you for it. It’s a natural response.
Insincerity—I can see through charm. If it’s not sincere, I’ll soon know.


What are the top 3 most important qualities women want in a husband?
       (in descending order)
Strong in the faith—priorities have to be right
Loving
Decent appearance-wise—note I only said decent, this is really more of how you take care of yourself than what colour your eyes or hair are or how big your biceps are


What are the top 3 things that would make you say "I could never marry him"
about a man? (in descending order)
Doesn’t have God as his greatest priority
Lack of trust—I’ve got to be able to entrust my life to him!
irresponsibility

What are the differences between confidence, arrogance, and intimidation?
Confidence—"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"
arrogance—"I can do all things"
intimidation—"you can do nothing"

RELATIONSHIP

What are the 5 most important guidelines by which you want your husband to
treat you, interact with you, or communicate with you?
Commitment—willingness to work through problems, not run from them in order to keep the marriage alive
Love—a conscious choice to put aside one’s wants and needs in order to elevate another’s. Servanthood; sacrifice that does not regard the merit or response of its object
Listen—to what I do and don’t say. Reading a woman’s mind is impossible, but reading her subtle actions is not—it just takes time
Protect—be it from the neighbour’s rabid pit bull or a defiant teenage daughter. He should stand up for his other half
Cherish—he should have only 2 things to expect and remain with till the day he dies—God and his wife.  The object of a lifelong relationship should have a lot of attention and value; and should be the centre of, not just portions of his life

How do you want to be viewed by your husband?
Irreplaceable
Interesting
Attractive—in character and to the eye
Faithful
His other half

What are the top 3 things you want to be to your husband (in his mind)?
          (in descending order)
A faithful and willing servant and helper
The 2nd best (only to Christ) decision of his life
Beautiful—even when my hair turns grey and I get lots of wrinkles


What are the top 3 things you could never do without in your marriage?
         (in descending order)
Love—as defined before
Unity
Attraction



PURSUIT & FEELINGS

How do you know if a man is ready for marriage?
*He’s learned selflessness
*Has a strong, adult faith
*Actions don’t make one second-guess his age
*He’s got to have the go-ahead from the Lord
*He can support a family

How do you know if you are ready for marriage?
*I’ve got to be ready for kids. I won’t intend to have them right away, but things happen!  I won’t "feel" ready, but as long as I’m capable. . .
*Got to hear it from the Lord!
*I can deal with him patiently, and am happy to make up for his mistakes cheerfully . . . like socks lying around!  I have to have learned selflessness
*I can put aside all my desires to help him achieve his


What is the difference (if possible) between noticing attractive qualities
and ’being attracted’?
In avoidance of periphrasis:
"I’d like my husband to be like that" vs. "I’d like him to be my husband"

What is the difference (if possible) between ’being attracted’ and having a
’crush’?
Interest in, and pondering the possibility of marriage vs. childish emotional obsession


What does it mean to ’fall in love’?
To fall into attraction.  To fall into obsessive emotional bliss . . . it’s a misnomer . . . it really has nothing to do with true love and can exist with or without love.


Do you believe you can ’fall out of love’?
Love never fails. But the preposition "in" or "out" signals love is just an alias for feelings. Feelings change. Love doesn’t


Without a doubt Men will always find attractive qualities in other women,
even after marriage. How does this make you feel, and what would you wish
he’d do about it?
*BE HONEST!
*the grass always [seems] greener—is it fantasy or realistic.  Noticing good qualities and dwelling on them are different.  (be careful how you word suggestions!!!)
*Take every thought captive
*I’d become jealous, but also pay attention to his response.  Does he say, "I wish you were more like her!" or "I’m glad you’re my wife!"
*am I doing what I can for him?
      + spending time together
 + having romance (just me and him for something other than paying the bills or going to church!)
      + "getting pretty" for him

How often do you contemplate marriage?
Every day, throughout the day!

How often do you evaluate your male acquaintances as potential husbands?
*well, until I see one of the top 3 things that make me say I could never marry him, which is usually pretty fast!
*then, there’s the factor of attraction
*and compatibility—a balance between our strengths and weaknesses and if they complement each other

How often do you evaluate yourself as a potentially good wife?
all the time. I try to work on skills and attitudes all the time (basically to cheerfully run a household for another person).  Any time I run into something trying, I try to shut up my complaints by realising it’s not just going to make me a better person, but a more patient wife. And when I see selfishness and pride, it’s a reminder that I’ve a long way to go . . . and I see those a LOT!


DECISIONS

Would you rather strive to grow through a rough marriage or just get a
divorce?
The temptation would be to be lazy . . . but there are consequences to such a decision.  It is best to react in obedience to such trials!!! 

What’s more important in a potential husband, strong leadership skills or
his life headed in the right direction? Why?
Leadership skills could be leading in the wrong direction! If his life is headed in the right direction, it will motivate me to accompany him, which could potentially boost his confidence as a leader.  And is he’s headed in the right direction, God will provide the necessary skills.  "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him"


Would you prefer a man who has an extensive romantic history with women or a
man who has never been romantically involved prior to seeking your hand in
marriage? Why?
I’d prefer one who never has been involved.  Although he may lack the finesse, I wouldn’t have to fear comparison or feel as though I wasn’t worth the wait. I would have difficulty believing one was serious if he’s gone through romances.


What do you absolutely need to know about a man before you can consider
marrying him?
*I’d pretty much want to know the story of his life—he needs to be open and honest about his successes and failures.
*He has to be sold out for God

Would you rather marry a strong leader you can submit to or have the
majority of the control in the marriage?
I should like to submit to a man who is submitted to Christ. I should be able to have a say in important matters, but I don’t want to have the only say!


PREPERATION

What must a man know about you before you can consider marrying him?
He’d need to know my insecurities and my weaknesses and be able to back me up

What is the 1 concept about women you feel men just don’t ’get’?
*Affection is an effective tool against emotional outbursts! To ignore me angers me even more (even if I tell you to leave me alone!)
*Body language—if you can read me and beat me to doing something before I say it, it’s a sign you care and listen and are paying attention (the one thing we always want)

What is the 1 concept about men you feel women just don’t ’get’?
They can’t read our minds, even though we can read theirs.

What do you feel is genuine commitment?
to give lifelong priority to someone

How does commitment differ from regular day to day decisions and endeavors?
Commitment calls for a future—the day to day decisions and endeavors made in a committed relationship may vary from those between casual friends because they will reflect commitment 

How important is physical, emotional, and conversational affection to you?
All of the above are very important to have every day!

How exclusively yours do you want your husband’s affection to be?
In terms of women, all mine
In terms of life, I’d want to be a part of everything.  If not physically present, I’d still like to know about what happens, even if not in detail. (Say, if you go golfing with friends, I don’t need to go, but tell me who was there and what the weather was like.  You don’t have to tell how well everyone did, just who "everyone" was!)


PERSONAL

How often do you worry that you may never get married? Why?
a lot!—I see very few men around; they all seem to be children!

Are you content as a single woman? Why?
I really want to get married, but I’m fine with waiting because I feel that I’m not ready.  I need to grow in maturity and in an attitude of servanthood 

How would you define ’dating’?
Kinda like going and trying on clothes before you buy them, to see how they look on you, how they fit, the price.  This, as opposed to being measured and having them made to fit!

Do you want to ’date’ before marriage? Why or why not?
No, the One who made me knows me better than even I do, and I trust that He’ll bring along someone "tailored" to my personality and needs.  It makes perfect sense!
Mad1
                                                          I agree with almost everything you said, especially your reason for worrying about not getting married. It's very true.
I admit I disagree with the one second before last...but I see your point.
Now what we need is a survey like this for a man to take :)
Posted by Mad1 on                                                 March 31, 2008 - Monday at                 12:08 AM                                
[Remove] [Reply to this]
               
                         
             
            
             'this are a clean rags'
                                                          WOW!!! these are the most profound, introspective, eloquent answers i've gotten yet! Maybe you should help me write the book!
Posted by 'this are a clean rags' on                                                 May 26, 2008 - Monday at                 2:54 AM                                
[Remove] [Reply to this]

Survey (No Answers)

2008-05-27T00:15:00.004-07:00

ATTRACTION

What attracts women to men? (character qualities & preferable circumstances)

What repels women from men? (character flaws & detestable circumstances)

What are the top 3 most important qualities women want in a husband? (in descending order)

What are the top 3 things that would make you say "I could never marry him"
about a man? (in descending order)

What are the differences between confidence, arrogance, and intimidation?

RELATIONSHIP

What are the 5 most important guidelines by which you want your husband to
treat you, interact with you, or communicate with you?

How do you want to be viewed by your husband?

What are the top 3 things you want to be to your husband (in his mind)? (in descending order)

What are the top 3 things you could never do without in your marriage? (in descending order)

PURSUIT & FEELINGS

How do you know if a man is ready for marriage?

How do you know if you are ready for marriage?

What is the difference (if possible) between noticing attractive qualities
and 'being attracted'?

What is the difference (if possible) between 'being attracted' and having a
'crush'?

What does it mean to 'fall in love'?

Do you believe you can 'fall out of love'?

Without a doubt Men will always find attractive qualities in other women,
even after marriage. How does this make you feel, and what would you wish
he'd do about it?

How often do you contemplate marriage?

How often do you evaluate your male acquaintances as potential husbands?

How often do you evaluate yourself as a potentially good wife?

DECISIONS

Would you rather strive to grow through a rough marriage or just get a
divorce?

What's more important in a potential husband, strong leadership skills or
his life headed in the right direction? Why?

Would you prefer a man who has an extensive romantic history with women or a
man who has never been romantically involved prior to seeking your hand in
marriage? Why?

What do you absolutely need to know about a man before you can consider
marrying him?

Would you rather marry a strong leader you can submit to or have the
majority of the control in the marriage?

PREPARATION

What must a man know about you before you can consider marrying him?

What is the 1 concept about women you feel men just don't 'get'?

What is the 1 concept about men you feel women just don't 'get'?

What do you feel is genuine commitment?

How does commitment differ from regular day to day decisions and endeavors?

How important is physical, emotional, and conversational affection to you?

How exclusively yours do you want your husband's affection to be?

PERSONAL

How often do you worry that you may never get married? Why?

Are you content as a single woman? Why?

How would you define 'dating'?

Do you want to 'date' before marriage? Why or why not?

Lovely

2008-05-21T18:38:00.000-07:00

Well, I moved. Over a thousand miles away. I now reside in Colorado Springs, Colorado. What a lovely place it is! Daily, I am awed by the scenery. I see lots of horses, cows, deer, and squirrels! I see snow on the mountains, sunlight streaming through the clouds, illuminating God's Garden from afar. Yesterday, I could see rain falling a few miles away, so I drove from the sunny side of town to the cloudy side, and enjoyed the rain. The wind here blows, bringing fresh mountain air in gusts. I'm watching a chocolate lab named Bono chase his tail and it's funny! I spend my days with an adorable infant named Edison. I absolutely love it here! Y'all come and visit me, ya hear?

And today I went to a 5th grade graduation where they played part of the song "Legacy." Cool beans

There is no Other

2008-05-10T22:57:00.000-07:00

Is there any God besides Me, Or is there any other Rock? I know of none. I am the first and I am the last, And there is no God besides Me.

I am the LORD, and there is no other;
Besides Me there is no God

I am the LORD, and there is no other

I am the LORD, and there is none else.

And there is no other God besides Me,
A righteous God and a Savior;
There is none except Me.

For I am God, and there is no other.

For I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is no one like Me.

Got it?

Why would God say that so many times in 3 consecutive chapters? Obviously, it needs to be pounded in. He is God and there is no other.

It wouldn't have stood out so plainly were it not for the repetition. It makes me wonder what my gods are. There should be nothing else that stands at any moment before God. This is not to mean that every moment of my life should be devoted to prayer or reading my Bible. But do I ever hold to something that I should give up for something He has called me to do?

Where is my focus?

It's like he's sayin', "C'mon guys, forget these other things, they can't save you, only I can, trust in Me, follow Me."

It's so easy to get caught up in various things. This is a busy society.
Sometimes, we forget to put God at the head of our plans. We follow a schedule, not the Spirit's direction. We hold so strongly to certain commitments, but forget to set aside time for the One who holds it in His hands

He is God, and there is no other. Every last resource should be invested for His purpose. He should get the beginning of our day, the first of our wages, He should be our first love.

There is no other name by which we are saved!
"To be quickly forgotten's my aim,
one nameless servant to that unforgettable Name,
Jesus who came."

(from "Forgettable" by Everybodyduck)

A Child of Mercy and Grace

2008-04-27T15:21:00.001-07:00

Today Pastor Rob taught on a topic that has been on my mind a lot lately. Haha, I was glad I was working in the sound booth, because I got to hear it twice!

How will I be remembered? A few posts ago, I included a song entitled "Legacy" by Nichole Nordeman. Check it out. It's a good song, and it's been making me think a lot. "Did I point to You enough to make a mark on things?" I wonder. . .Since I want to move to Colorado, I wonder who will notice. Will it be a good thing that I'm a thousand miles away? Or will it be bad?

I told Pastor Dan today about my prospective move. I feel so bad to have to resign again; although I hope this time it is because I am following the will of God in my life. He's one of the people I will really miss. How do I remember him? As a man who loves God and who is a reflection of kindness. He is one of the nicest people I know, and I enjoy seeing him on Sundays. He is a good supervisor, and the collective 13 months under him were great. And he makes me laugh! I saw Sam Cracchiolo and Tom Frazee today; they said hi to me. They were great supervisors too! I had a wonderful 6 years in Children's under them. I saw Anastasia Campbell. I started watching her kids when I was in Junior High, and she has always been so friendly. I saw Mrs. Barger. I had 3 French classes, 1 English, 1 social science and 1 pace class with her. She is a hard worker, and put a lot of time and effort into me. These are just a few of the hundreds of faces I saw today, and I remember them. Why? They have all had some sort of impact on me, whether minuscule or monumental. Ever realise that a smile while passing someone in the hallway might be etched in their memory?

I'm working in a place right now where I have just over a month to leave my mark. I've been here about 4 weeks already, and I will be here one or two more weeks. How will they remember me?

I've lived in California for my entire 18.5 years. What mark have I left?

I've made a lot of mistakes, but the past cannot be undone. It can, however, be forgiven. And it can be a lesson, so that I choose each and every day to live as a child of mercy and grace who blesses His name unapologetically.

Every day, I think about what I want my obituary to say. I get one paragraph to describe my life. What do I want it to say? That I was a child of mercy and grace who blessed His name unapologetically.

I want to leave that kind of legacy.

An Invitation to Abundant Life

2008-04-25T16:18:00.000-07:00

Funny, the title of this post, "An Invitation to Abundant Life," came from the title for the text of Isaiah 55, when I looked it up online. The verse that I shall post in addition the ones from Isaiah also contains the word abundant. Maybe there's a theme here.

Ever heard the saying, "good things come to those who wait?" I should like to think that sentence is incomplete. Really, it should read, "Good things come to those who wait upon the Lord."

So many times, we see something that we wish to have. And we contemplate it. And we want it so much more and more. And we grow jealous of the people who have what we want. I struggle with being content. Do we not all? I've really been seeing how "godliness with contentment is great gain."1 Is not romance, or rather the lack of, one of the greatest struggles we single young adults face? Two of my friends, I've noticed, write a lot about this. Although their views differ much on the subject of romance, there are two things that are strikingly similar about them. One: They both want it. Two: They both want God's will to reign in their lives.
One will not date, as his convictions lead him to take such an action(or lack thereof). The other, hasn't such reservations, and would, I'm sure, gladly welcome romance right now. [Interesting to note the non-dater has a history of dating, and the wannabe (hehe sorry) hasn't a history of dating (right???)] Despite differing views, these two both read and follow the same Word. And in our beloved Book there are two verses I should like to include that I believe can go well with this topic.

For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD.
“ For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.
(Isaiah 55:8,9 NKJV)

And:

[He] is able to do exceedingly abundantly
above all that we ask or think. . .
(Ephesians 3:20 NKJV)

exceedingly abundantly. that sounds amazing. overwhelming. yay!

The point that I am trying to make here, is although we may want something, and be upset we don't have it, it's good to know that it's in God's hands. Our Creator does not wish to withhold good from us, but sometimes, "Now" isn't the best time. My beloved friends, I know that another person seems such a pressing need. Apparently, it's not God's will. But He's gonna take care of you way better than you could ever take care of yourself. Trust Him, He's faithful. His blessings are abundant, and many (That doesn't mean you can have concubines [you know who you are]!)

Dude, He's gonna bless us! That's just so exciting!!!!

1. 1 Timothy 6:6 NKJV

Urgency with Contentment

2008-04-19T22:32:00.000-07:00

Ok, it's probably become pretty obvious I want out of California. People are starting to notice. I'm not discontent really. I just want to move. I shan't like to be considered ungrateful for what I have here. I truly do love so much what I have here, but I feel it is the wrong place for me. I see more that I am learning to be thankful for what I have. Gratitude, I believe, is crucial. . .at least for one who wishes to live a happy life. Can one be happy if they do not receive with thankfulness? I think not. But rather, one who can thank, even without the receipt of a blessing is the one who is happy. And so I wish to be. I admit, daily, I have want of some paltry things. But really, I think I am happy with what I have. I wish to earn more (Oh goodness, I hate debt), but maybe there are more sacrifices I could make, to give up certain expenditures that are not so necessary as I perceive them to be by my impulses in order to extrapolate myself from the pit of debt. I just want out of this place. And. . .I was thinking about work today. One reason I would love to nanny for an infant is that it gives me a chance to help develop their lifestyle as they mature. I would love to look at a child grow in the grace and knowledge of their Saviour and be able to have had a part in training that child. I want to have practise being a mommy; it's what I like, and I love to help people. It's not me, it's Jesus. Seriously. . .

I want. . .

2008-04-19T09:54:00.000-07:00

[. . .]
In the mean time. . .I have got to get out of here. I can't sit still. . .I may just have to marry a military man. But I foresee settling down somewhere. I just feel like I have no reason to be in CA right now. Can you give me one? The world is getting smaller. Staying in one place is too small. What used to be a planet is now a country. What used to be a country is now a state. What used to be a state is now a city, possibly excepting CA, it's like 10 states! I moved an hour away. I like it here, but not enough. I need to see more. I need to be more. I can't afford this place. I don't have kids. I don't have a house. I don't even have a place to live. I don't have the perfect job. I don't think I have a reason to stay here. I desperately need friends, but maybe I can enjoy my real friends from a distance. Farewell my fair weather friends, the farther I move, the more evident you are. I hate to ask much of my friends, I hate to expect it, but I like to know it's there when I need it. Thank you Crystal for all the nights you let me stay in your room. Thank you Daniel, for all the nights you would let me stay at your place.

I am still in shock at Dan's offer. I don't know anyone who would offer such a thing, given the circumstances. Who needs just a friend when you can have a brother? I don't want fair weather friends. I want forever friends.

Please, let me leave this hell-hole.

I'm sick of money. Even now, I want just a little more. . .so I can---. I'm afraid it will never be enough for me. I don't want to just plan for a easy future. I want to plan for a blessed future. Why invest monetarily for that which will be of no value when my breath is last expired? I'd much rather invest in a treasure that will last me forever. I'm not going to find that treasure as long as I live in pleasure and in luxury. I cry, "make this easy" but forget that He could've made it easy, and instead chose to suffer and to die for me. . . why then do I not exhaust every last resource in a real investment? I've already writ about what I believe a good investment is (prior post) all I have is the from the Lord. . .yet I find that 10% hard to give. How much more does he deserve all 100%? Why must I continue in petty pursuits and empty endeavours. Can I not live for tomorrow?

Investments

2008-04-19T09:23:00.000-07:00

I am convinced that the most important thing I can do is love--to love God, and to love his people. What is love? Love is a conscious choice to give up one’s needs and desires in order to elevate another’s. It is servanthood; sacrifice that does not regard the merit or response of it’s object but is based solely upon the giver. Love is putting another person ahead of oneself.
As I’ve grown, I’ve realised we don’t know when life will end. We do not know the number of our breaths. So why waste them? Why waste our breaths on the things that have no future? Of what benefit is it to pursue money, fame, and pleasure if it will only last as long as our breaths? But, you see, people have souls, they are eternal beings--they will be in either Heaven or Hell for eternity. Can we not invest in the future? People are the future, be it the future on earth or the future in eternity. They, then, I believe are the most valuable investments we can make, the rewards are eternal!

Then I saw a great white throne and Him who sat upon it, from whose presence earth and heaven fled away, and no place was found for them. And I saw the dead, the great and the small, standing before the throne, and books were opened; and another book was opened, which is the book of life; and the dead were judged from the things which were written in the books, according to their deeds. And the sea gave up the dead which were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead which were in them; and they were judged, every one of them according to their deeds. Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire This is the second death, the lake of fire.And if anyone’s name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire.
So, then, shall we not seek to serve others every day? Shall we not make love, Christ-like love, our defining attribute? Shall we not seek to love people, not to death but to Life? Remember. . .what you do here matters!

5 April 2008

Humilty yields obedience

2008-04-19T08:41:00.000-07:00

If we would begin to live in humility, I wonder how much differently we would treat other people. There are so many different forms that pride takes; in fact, it is the basis of every sin. If we had a truly reverent fear of God, would we disobey Him? No, we would not. But we begin to think that something else could possibly be better. Because, whether we admit and/or realise it or not, we think we know better than God does. He says, "Do not do that. It will hurt you," yet we decide to anyway, thinking that the moment of pleasure could not possibly be harmful. How blind are we really to our pride? I think more than we know. "But He gives more grace. Therefore He says, 'God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.'" (James 4:6) If only we would clothe ourselves in humility more often! Not only would our walk with God be so much more blessed, but maybe we would begin to truly esteem others better than ourselves. How often do we treat someone differently once we know about a certain sin that they have done or are continuing to do?

To cite an example, look at how we scorn those who practise homosexuality! There is no different gospel that they need. They are not, in essence, any different from anyone else. What were you before you came to Christ? You were a sinner. There is not a different gospel for the "really bad sinners." Christ died once for all sin. You need nothing less, and nothing more than His innocent blood to save you. And it is the same with gay-identified people. But why can Christians be so hateful in their treatment of LGBT people? Just because you may not have struggled with the same things they have does not make you any better. They need love. We all need love. It was love that motivated Christ to sacrifice His life to save us from eternal Hell. Soak that in. Love is our salvation. We were going to Hell, but He loved us, wretched sinners that we were, and called us His own.

Now, what right have we to look down upon those who have sinned in some way we have not? They have no more guilt. "For whoever keeps the whole law but stumbles in one point, he is guilty of all." (James 2:10) We never know who struggles with what. Because there are some things we never will say to each other. Christians are not immune to homosexual feelings. We do not choose what our flesh says. We do not choose our temptations. "Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." (1 Corinthians 10:12, 13) We just choose what we do with them. And loving them, and dwelling on them is still idolising them, for when they are at the front of our thoughts, how can God possibly exist there, among the darkness? A gay person is no less deserving of love. The Truth is we are all sinners and Christ died for our sins. When one truly realises that, their 'I would never do that's quickly die; for at the foot of the cross, pride cannot possibly exist. Did Christ have to die a different death for certain sins? No! It was one death that triumphed all sin once and for all.

Now I hope that thinking about this will make us realise the hatred needs to stop. Yes, that means the demeaning names, the crude jokes, etc. It is not funny. When it comes to God, you are either a sinner or a sinner cleansed by the blood of Christ. Christians need not be afraid to step outside of the socially-accepted boundaries in order to love. I do not condone homosexuality. But neither do I see people only for their sins. I mean, gosh, if you all knew what I have done…I would not have any friends! I do not support sin. I support people. Remember, Jesus astounded many when he talked to the woman at the well in John 4—the woman was surprised and so were His disciples. Yeah, some people might treat you differently when you choose to love someone who is gay. But whose approval are you looking for? And maybe those you befriend who are gay will be surprised. Some do not even realise that a Christian can, in fact, be loving. The hatred stops here. I will not tolerate any sort of hatred toward my gay friends.

The focus of this post is not homosexuality--it is an example. My main point here is that it is pride that is the source of our sin.

22 August 2007