Work

Before I even speak, a lot of people know I'm a Christian. Or at least they know I have a "religious background." It's very interesting to see people's reactions to my resumé. I also have a 'googleable' name. And not on accident. I control what people see about me (with the exception of STUPID Flixster). When googled by either my first or middle name, my full legal name is discoverable, as are my commonly used usernames; thus my social networking sites are easily discoverable. People can also find out some of what I like, my work experience, volunteer experience, places I've lived, this blog, my activities, etc.

Sometimes work and religion can mix. That was my life in Colorado. Other times, I have to keep it quiet, in order to respect a parent's preferences for raising their children. With the exception of my job in Colorado, there isn't much conversation about my beliefs. I have had one employer who had VERY different beliefs tell me that she could tell I was a Christian because I was a good worker. Phew! So many times, it's like 'Christian' is a dirty word. I'm guilty of contributing to that. There have been times where people who knew my beliefs also saw the mistakes I made. Not good.

Should it not be that when someone sees what my beliefs are, they go, "oh a Christian, one of those people who is always kind, loves others, and who you can trust implicitly!" But no, instead people have to wait and see what I will do, because as far as they know, I'm just as bad as everyone else. Christians steal, lie, cheat, are rude, crude, unloving, etc. It shouldn't be so. If we are going to attach the name of Jesus to ours, should we not make it apparent through actions that we are indeed affiliated with him? I have to admit that I have been lazy at work sometimes. That's not good either. Sometimes work is hard or I'm not feeling well, etc, but I should still be known for my good work ethic, my reliability, and of course, for being trustworthy, joyful, and honest.


Bondservants(employees), obey in all things your masters(employers) according to the flesh, not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God. And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men (Colossians 3:22-23)



Again, self, stop complaining. Just don't do it.


PS--why do we trust implicitly, and not explicitly? they're opposites, yet they can both mean unreserved?? what the heck is wrong with english??

Bear to Bare

I'm afraid to bare myself to you. So I give a little at a time. I'm testing the waters. Yes, I do this to EVERYONE that I like. If I think I might want them as a friend, I test. And if they remain, I begin to consider them a new friend. The ones that shy away? Well, good riddance.

But here's something else you should know. Respect my boundaries, yes. But don't be afraid to pursue. Due to recent events, I've withdrawn from nearly everyone. It doesn't mean I'm closed off from them, it just means they actually have to come looking for me.

My word to you? You want it? Come and get it. I am willing to give to you but you have got to ask.

I slowly expose my weaknesses to you to see your reaction. So far, so good. I do wish, however, that you showed a little more interest. This time you ask the questions.

A Thankful Heart is a Happy Heart

I've been realising that I really complain a lot. Complaining can really make one miserable. Thankfulness, however, has the opposite effect. When you acknowledge what God has graciously given, you become more thankful for it. Interesting how that works.

Self, thank God. He has given you so much, why do you complain so?

Put A Ring on it

I've been wearing a ring on my ring finger for about 4 years now.

In addition to this message presented visibly, I truly radiate "Stay the Hell away from me," and it has been largely effective, other than a few skeezes who ignored the vibe.

Jay, however, has known me for over 3 years and has been the one to get past it. Oh boy, have the walls come down. To every one else, yes, I still give off my STHAFM attitude. I still wear the ring on my finger. I'm still unavailable. I've always said I don't care if someone thinks I'm unavailable. They better know me well enough to know that I'm unavailable to anyone who wants to get me easily. I don't come cheap, and anyone who hasn't taken the time to get to know me will not be given any love. My love comes with a price.

Jay has spent over 3 years as my friend, and as a little flirt too, hehe. When there is patience involved, you know it's gotta be good. Anything worth having is worth waiting for. He's lucky he didn't ask me out when we were both teens. . .that would have been over by now, and today wouldn't be so good. ♥♥♥♥♥

break

I've noticed I have a strange habit of making court sentences and hitting enter after each one. When I'm really letting other thoughts hide in the extra space at the end of a sentence, it looks like a sad attempt at poetry.

Home

Welp, I ain't going. . .yet. But I'm pretty dang sure I will be soon. My heart is so set on it, and I dream endlessly of my perfectly mapped out life. Great. Expectations. (lol the book). Expectations that most likely will not happen. See, I serve this God who rarely follows my plans. Oh bummer /sarcasm.

Self, don't complain. Be thankful, no matter how dark it seems, there truly is a light at the end

Happy Birthday Madi

Here's a song by that name. why? idk.
It makes no sense, and it's not really exciting, but still, you have a song named after you.

Dreading, Hoping

I find out today. What a scary thing it is to wait. It's so hard to trust that God will provide for me. Because if this doesn't happen I don't know how all these circumstances will work out. I have to keep telling myself that he will take care of me. He has given me all things pertaining to LIFE and godliness.

Please, Lord. I want to go. And I want this boy there too. I want, I want, I want.

Self, praise him either way. Trust him, obey him.

React

I'm scared. I don't react much. Maybe I should. Instead I keep calm, talk about it, and then when no one is looking, I run and FREAK OUT. Here I go.

Blocked

I'm sorry, love, he has come between us. I don't think either of us could fix it, and he has the power, but won't

Faithful? Yes I hope so. I truly, truly hope. I do love you so.

But I don't know what to tell you.

Conscience. I know something you don't know. He doesn't know because he won't know. You can't know. What an ugly thing.