It was at the Lyricist Lounge 3, hosted by P4CM, that my need to speak life was realised.
I gained some understanding that night, and while my fickle heart still finds ways to force emotion upon me, I know better.
When someone does something against you, it hurts. When they are an intimate friend, it does not just hurt, but it kills. It kills something inside of you. Things can never be the same. How do you forgive the one who repeatedly spit in your face? Not by your own power, that is for sure. I am afraid to say I forgive, because I still feel the hatred sometimes. Forgiveness is final, and my attempts have been anything but. It is not to be based on the recipient, but I feel so unforgiving when they are so unlovable. Quite a dilemma I have. One thing, though, I can say--I try.
"regardless of who disrespected, rejected, or neglected you, slept with you. . .spiritually or physically molested you. . .despite what they did against you, if you take two seconds and think about how you've offended God, it should make you understand how much you deserve death just as much as they do. . .so if they hurt you, let them know, speak forgiveness, let it go, cuz my brethren you should know holding a grudge is the same as holding a gun." ::ezekiel azonwu::