Casualty

American Dream

noun

1.

the ideals of freedom, equality, and opportunity traditionally held to be available to every American.

2.

a life of personal happiness and material comfort as traditionally sought by individuals in the U.S.

I don't even think the first definition applies to what we consider the American dream anymore. It's become all about that personal happiness and material comfort. All we dream of anymore is marriage, kids, owning a home, having a successful career, and driving a nice car. 

I see how blind we are to the first definition. Do we ensure freedom and equality and opportunity for every American? What about the children who are sold for sex every night? Where is their freedom or equality or opportunity? And what about our neighbours? Could we ever be troubled to think about anyone but ourselves? Could we be bothered to love someone across a border or across the ocean?

I feel like every extra day I spend in Orange County just drowns me in the American Dream. There are so many broken people there. They need love. But I feel my great weakness is resisting the way my environment suffocates me. I don't know how to fight the pressure. I don't know how to even breathe when I'm surrounded by concrete idols.


My greatest fear is being a casualty of the American Dream. Of a life of schedules and patterns. I want a life that astounds me. I want a heart for people. And I want to love solitude again.

I don't know how to breathe in brown air.

note the gym to the right of the bridge. I've been in it. you can work out and watch 12 lanes of cars speed by. I suppose it's better than watching TV but I still don't get it. 

I'm supposed to feel special for living here.

downtown is dwarfed by the mountains.

I love those huge clouds. How blue the sky is. The purple mountain's majesty.

I really miss the crunch of gravel under my feet being the loudest thing I heard while walking the trails. I miss the freezing water of the creeks. Watching snowflakes tumble from the sky. The silence and the solitude and the realisation of how insignificant I am.

I just need a chance to breathe again. I need a reminder of how small I am. 

"We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls." -Mother Teresa